Wednesday 22 January 2020

Three Mini-Mommy Vacations to Try

Ways moms can get a mini vacation:
1. Plan a long weekend getaway by yourself (working on this one for later this year).
  Pros: you come back refreshed, you don't have to worry about the every day logistics of getting everyone fed and off to school, and you don't have to mitigate the 1000 fights that happen every day.
  Cons: you have to find someone else to take care of those logistics and to mitigate those fights, and it can cost money. 
  Pros still outweigh the cons.

2. Send the kids to overnight camp. I've never done this one.
  Pros: you don't have any child related logistics to worry about between drop off and pick up.
  Cons: maybe you miss your kids, your kids might miss you, costs etc. 
  Still worth it.

3. Get a nasty blood infection, end up in emergency, and then in ICU, and get put on infectious protocols, and your kids aren't allowed to see you. I'm currently trying this one out.
  Pros: nurses are awesome. They will do so much for you, and you will lose the last shred of inhibitions over privacy during bodily functions that you had left. Not that you had much left. You have 2 kids and one bathroom; they've seen you do everything in there, and I mean everything. 
  You will have time to sleep, read, chat with a few friends, you won't have to worry about work, and someone else definitely has to take care of all those logistics listed above.
  Cons: you can't see your kids. You have 3 IV lines, a neck line, an artery line, heart monitors, a catheter, and you need someone to help you get all of that 3 feet to the commode just so that someone else can wipe your ass afterwards. You can't see your kids. You have constant diarrhea, from whatever, and it sucks. You can't see your kids. You are worried about kid logistics and can't see your kids.
  This one is only a good break for a couple days. And then it gets old.

Thursday 16 January 2020

Bathtub Stories 2020-01-12: Some Dinosaurs Got up to No Good

One night, some dinosaurs decided to get up to no good. They were little, mostly cause they'd just been born, but that didn't stop them from tearing up the road and surrounding a little blue car. Dude in the little blue car is thinking, 'man, those baby dinosaurs are huge.'

Dude called his friend Bob for help, but Bob was in the middle of a street race, which he lost because he had to pull over for a fire truck. 
The fire truck was on its way, not to a fire, but to a situation that seemed to be impossible, but was true.

The street racers that were ahead of the pack could have come in 1st and 2nd, but they weren't paying attention, and they crashed in to an Apatosaurus. (Not a Brontosaurus. Did you know that Brontosauruses aren't a real dinosaur? Some paleontologists were in a Dinosaur Race (before the Space Race was even a thing), and Paleontologist Marsh wanted to be the next guy to name the next big dinosaur, so he presented the Brontosaurus (made up of bones from 3 different dinosaurs) before someone published that it was so similar to an Apatosaurus, which already existed, that they were the same thing.)

 Okay, so maybe the cars crashed in to a Brontosaurus, but only as a synonym to an Apatosaurus. Or maybe it's a Diplodocus. 
Regardless, the really, really big dinosaur (RRBD) kicked the street racers in to the pond. The flashing lights and sirens of the fire truck made the RRBD hesitate, but only for a moment before it side-swiped the truck in to the pond, too.
The losing street racer, Bob, saw everything, peed his pants in fear, gathered his wits together, and reversed direction as fast as he could. He wanted to pick up his buddy, Dude, from the little blue car on his way by, but sadly, well, I'm sorry to say that the little dinosaurs were up to no good, and they'd punted the little blue car in to the pond, so Dude was on his own. Even Bob was having a tough time of it because the road around the pond was a loop, and there was no way off of the loop unless you went in to the pond or off a cliff, and the RRBD was chasing him.
The only one who got away unscathed was the sticky bot. Because well, he was a sticky bot, and he could go anywhere so long as the surface was smooth.
Good thing this particular pond had smooth walls above it, and not the rough stony walls that so many ponds did.