Monday 25 November 2013

Steps 2 and 1: Be Happy Now and Stop Believing Your Own Bullshit, Revisited

In past entries I`ve focused on body image when talking about not believing your own bullshit. I can now relate it to how clean, or not so clean, my house is.

A couple weekends ago my house was a disaster. The kind of disaster that arises from getting ready to go back to work after being off for a year. You know, where you focus on things like your back-to-work wardrobe and getting scheduling and daycare stuff sorted out, and finishing the oh-my-goodness-why-did-I-procrastinate list of things to get done before going back to work, which soon becomes the holy-fuck-I`ve-procrastinated-what-the-fuck-was-I-doing list of things to get done before going back to work.

Now, my house was only a two-week disaster, IE it was immaculate for Thanksgiving and this disaster was only two weeks after that. It was bad enough, apparently, to elicit nasty comments from my mother. You know, the kind where when my 3-year old says I`m sick today`` (he was a little tired, I think), your mom says ``That`s because the house was so dirty, so it`s a good thing we`re cleaning it up.`` That was just one comment of many.

The house was not that bad.

The next weekend, after I`ve gone back to work, I felt myself stressing out about the state of the house. It took a comment from my husband to make me realize that I was believing some serious bullshit. I was trying to hold myself up to a standard that would make any woman crack, even Martha Stewart. Well, Martha Stewart without staff.

My house really is respectably clean and tidy, just not so much by Fridays when everyone`s working full-time, and when some of us also work a second job, but that`s just a couple hours on the weekend to remedy.

My bullshit I had to stop believing? That I could be Superwoman and get It All done. And be Sane at the same time. As soon as I stopped beating myself up for not being able to hold up to an impossible standard, I was Happier.

Which brings me to this weekend. It`s my son`s First Birthday Party!

We had a few people come over, which of course means Clean-Up-Time. I'd spent all day Saturday baking, so enlisted hubby's help to tidy on Sunday. My mom, for whatever reason, was walking around with a big frowny face. When she left to run a quick errand, my husband asked, "What the fuck's wrong with your mom?"

I could only imagine that it was because we weren't 100% ready for the party two hours before the party. Well, she would have been 99% ready the day before.

Regardless, I remember thinking that I wished she could just be happy in the moment. It's her grandson's First Birthday!

I had a 30-minute period of time myself where I was stressing out, and it was making me the opposite of happy, so I had a little pep-talk with myself:

The house doesn't have to be perfect, who else would really know that the cake wasn't 100% frosted how I wanted it to be, and people are here to have fun, not watch me cry! And since they all have kids, none of us judges the other--this I know for sure.

I was super-happy after this!

Sometimes, the day is too important to focus on the bullshit that drags you down.

Wednesday 20 November 2013

If You Pack Your Child A Healthy Lunch, We Will Supplement it with Crap, AND We Will Fine You

I had a MUCH longer blog post planned for today, but then I did some online crap. Slight error in judgement, and now I just want to go to bed.

However, I did see this on Facebook, and I have to ask:

How the fuck is a cracker made from refined flour considered to be better than real food?

Thursday 14 November 2013

Lily Allen Said It, Not Me.

(Language Warning)

Lily Allen has a Baggy Pussy. Yep. That's what she says here. It's a music video, and I'm sure that she's trying to make a point, and it's a good point to make, but I'm still on the fence as to whether or not she made it.

No, the point is not that she has floppy lips. She's pointing out how hard it is for bitches to have to make music videos where they're pretty much just objectified sex symbols.

At least, I think that that's what she's trying to point out.

I watched the video, and it did make me focus a bit more on how ridiculous the pop music industry has become, but maybe that's because I don't actually give a shit about a lot of pop music. Sure, I like to listen to "dance," or "pop" music--but only the kind that you can actually dance to, and I don't watch the videos--I just want to tune out to a beat that for some reason helps me zone out. Bad thing to do while driving, by the way. Next thing you know, you're going 75 in a 50 zone (that's km/hr). Ahem.

Mostly though, I like rock and roll. I don't watch those videos, either.

Not much for flabby body parts in any music video, really.

Saturday 9 November 2013

Heels, Christmas Baking, Hallowe'en, Snot Factories, and Play-Dough.

In other words, random thoughts for this week:

I made it through my first week back at work. I thought I'd dress nicely. This included nice shoes. I like my shoes. My feet and my ankles do not. I'm still wondering how the heck Kate Beckett runs down the bad guys in them. My shoes are very pretty. And really freaking noisy. I can't sneak up on anyone at work. On Friday I wore nice slacks and a nice sweater. And running shoes.

It finally looks normal outside. It snowed enough to cover the grass. It's November. We shouldn't ever see the grass in November. That's just weird and it freaks me out. Kind of like seeing grass in March.

I was supposed to take the boys to their grandparents' Friday instead of to daycare. The boys have colds. They're snot factories. Because someone can't get sick (not too sure why not) I had to take them to daycare. I wanted to say, "See you in the Spring." Because, it's winter, and my kids go to daycare, so they're going to be snot factories for the next six months. Ish.

I don't tell anyone when I have snot all over me. I just say it must be some formula or something. I get lots of snotty hugs. My kids love me. Lots.

I did some Christmas baking today! Woot! I even managed to freeze some of it before it got eaten! Double Woot!! I'm trying to think of what kind of Christmas baking I can do with the dried cherries I found at Costco. Cherries remind me that it's Saturday, so it's Cherry Saturday, so I should head over and see what's happening there.

Seriously, how the fuck does KB run in heels? That has to be CGI or something.

I made play-dough today. That's right. The home-made kind. It's way easier than I thought it would be, and it smells way better than the store-bought stuff. And, if the kids eat it, they won't die. They'll just get wired on the food colouring. I think next time the play-dough will be Turmeric Yellow. Instead of I-Didn't-Want-Pink-So-I-Added-Lots-of-Red-Dye. The food colouring I found must be my mom's. I never buy the stuff because I never use it. Maybe next time I'll make Blueberry-Juice Blue. Which will actually be purple.

I wonder if I could get away with wearing my Crocs at work. They're pink. So probably not. I remember buying pink ones so that I would never be tempted to wear them out of my yard. I wore them as part of my Millie costume on Hallowe'en. I don't think that that counts. That's right, I put an apostrophe in Hallowe'en. I remember it being a requirement when we had to learn how to spell it in grade three. You know, when it was a hallowed evening, hence the contraction.

What do you mean you don't know who Millie is? Doesn't everyone watch Team Umizoomi? Oh. Right. Just people with little kids. Right. Well, Millie rocks. She's a super hero with pattern power, and she doesn't fall into the trap of wearing heels. To, you know, fight crime.

I'm not sure how Geo does it in his roller skates, though. Poor kid.

Random on, folks.

Tuesday 5 November 2013

Running in Heels

Today was my second day back at work after maternity leave. I thought that it would be a good idea to buy some new clothes. You know, to upgrade from the current lounge/yoga pant ensembles.

This meant a couple pairs of slacks, some blouses, a nice sweater, and some pretty camisoles. These aren't outfits that go well with Asics.

So, I bought two pairs of shoes from a store that likes to do a lot of BOGO events. I like this store because they're cheap, and they carry wide sizes. I have 6.5, WIDE feet.

The only shoes nice enough in my size and width were heels. I hate heels. Well, I like how they look, but I hate wearing them. But these are so damn cute. And pretty. And they fit. And they are fairly comfortable; it's not like I'm standing or walking in them ALL day.

But when I am walking in them? I have to really concentrate on not falling on my ass.

Which popped a random thought into my head:

How the fuck does Kate Beckett run in her fucking heels? Or any other TV cop? Scully wore heels. Jessica King had a fetish for heeled anything (her rubber crime-scene boots are AWESOME, by the way).

Is there somewhere that actresses go to learn how to run in heels? And is the ability to do so a requirement for playing cops? Or do they CGI the footwear in?

Casting Dude: So, can you like, run in heels?
Actress: No?
CD: Your character is hot, because, like, she's on TV, so she wears hot shoes. And, she chases a lot of bad-guys. So, like, you have to be able to run in heels.
A: Without falling down?
CD: Yeah.
A: And if I can't, can you CGI some on my feet in those scenes, or only film knee-up?
CD: Yeah, no, because hot shoes are like really hot when a hot chick is chasing bad-guys, to like, take them down and shit. So, if you can't do it, we'll have to go with someone else.
A: Then yes, I can.

My answer would have been no. Or yes, and the show would have been a comedy.