Saturday, 9 January 2021

Sex on Saturday 2021-01-09

When you have kids, and you work hours slightly off from your spouse's, it can be tough to work in sex. 

Especially sex together.

There's always KY in the shower, or "Mommy needs 10 more minutes of sleep, so go pour yourselves some cereal" on a weekend morning.

But, sometimes you just want to actually touch your partner, and your spouse has to go to bed before the kids because he works at WTF o'clock in the morning, so maybe you try a quickie of some kind while the kids are distracted, but then the dogs start fighting, or the kids do, or your mom--who lives in your basement--comes upstairs for something, so you pause your ministrations to your spouse's pleasure and go take care of it. By the time you're done, the kids may as well go to bed. It is amazing how long it can take them to brush their teeth, wash up, pee and go to bed. You think it's a ten minute job, but if you're lucky, your spouse is still awake 30-45 minutes later.

Pro tip #1: read a book that makes you hot and ready to go when you know you're going to have 10 minutes,  and probably only ten minutes. This reading can be done while you're watching the same kid's show for the 12th time so that when hubby gets out of the shower, you only need 10 minutes to get off because you've taken care of the foreplay. 

"Keep watching kids. Mommy's going to go help Daddy with some laundry."

Tuesday, 29 December 2020

Overtone - Are You Afraid of Stains?

I've answered the Suggested for You ads in FB Land, and have partaken in some Overtone dying of the hair.

Fuck that sounds awkward. It's late. Ten whole minutes before 9pm. 

Anyhoo, I started with Extreme Green. My tub looked like a curry took a bath in it. 
My hair is a medium-dark blonde with strawberry highlights. 
The green took out the red, and made my hair look like a dark blonde.

I then ordered Purple for Brown Hair, and Blue for Brown Hair.
Better results for sure. Purple stays in your hair longer; even after it's all faded out, there's a slight purple undertone to it. 
Blue was less likely to stick around, and my husband claims that it makes my hair look grey. As it fades out, it certainly does.
I actually used some Extreme Green (daily conditioner) to colour-correct back to a more natural shade towards the end of the week. That worked out well!

Quick note on the hubby: when we met, I had a horse, got dirty, never wore makeup or painted my nails, etc. etc.
My horse died, and I still get dirty (camping and gardening are great), but now I'm decorating myself for fun. I've discovered great makeup (www.buffd.com), and occasionally like to paint my nails (with as chemical-free a polish as possible), and, now I'm dying my hair. When I have time. Like, once a month or two or three.
So, Hubby is okay with the hair dying as long as I don't go Old-Lady Burgundy.

Purple puts me in danger of being Old-Lady Burgundy. 
And makes the tub look like I tried to make wine.

And, if you ever want to stage a "Smurf was murdered and chopped up in the bathtub" event, dye your hair with Blue for Brown.

So then I figured that I'd try Ginger since I have naturally occurring red highlights. Hello, Anne with an "e"!
As it fades (I've stopped using the daily conditioner - I think if I did, I'd still be very orange), it's heading closer to an Auburn.
This one is easier on the tub, by the way.

I now have Golden Brown on order so that I can mix it with some Ginger; maybe I can reach an Auburn.

Regardless, know that if you fuck up with this product, it washes out within a week or so, and that it is truly kind to your hair.

Wednesday, 15 April 2020

BMBR: Timber: The Mountain Man's Babies by Frankie Love

Okay, so this is a quickie because I'm actually working and I read a page when my brain needs a break from the freaking formulas in spreadsheet that I'm working on.

This was free on BookBub today. I was promised (by the Amazon description) that I'd get so hot and bothered that I'd dig out a vibrator, and that if the batteries were dead, well, I have hands.

Not the worst writing, as long as you realize that this is straight up erotica with a bit of a story, and not meant to be an actual romance novel.

1. Dude is redundant. I get it, Jax; your cock is huge, and you like fucking women, and you're hiding in the woods because you fucked the sheriff's daughter and now he's making your life a living hell, and you're not going to fuck the local chicks because you don't need the local hassle, but you're all about fucking women and chopping wood,, and you're really good at both because your cock is huge and you sharpen your axe nightly. You seriously don't need to say that on every. single. page.

2. Jax helps Harper lose her virginity. With his big cock.
     The sex scenes are short, hot vanilla.

3. She gets pregnant. Jax says he did not see that coming. Seriously? You didn't use a condom, and you thought that the pious preacher's daughter who was saving herself for marriage was on birth control? Really?

Idaho needs to up its Sex-Education game.

4. OMG I lied. The writing gets worse. Then better. The sex is so vanilla that I'm skipping it to get to the story. Not quite what I look for in erotica.

Tuesday, 31 March 2020

Mommy's Zen 2020-03-something


Image may contain: indoor
Usually I only fill that with wine to the bottom of JUICE. Maybe the top of JUICE on a bad day.
Tonight it was full.
I'm not sure that I will leave the tub in a graceful manner.
I know that I will not leave the tub on a graceful manner.
I'll be lucky to make it to the bedroom without embarrassing myself.
EDIT to add:
Omigod I just sat up to scrub the pits. Never mind getting to the bedroom. At all, embarrassment or no.
I'm going to be lucky to get out of the tub. At. All.
Contemplating sleeping in it. Will have to warm the water shortly.
Hubby will be up soon for his midnight shift. Might be safer to wait.

Saturday, 28 March 2020

Random Thoughts 2020-03-28

I made a quadruple batch of banana muffins yesterday. With chocolate chips. Got 3 dozen muffins and 1 loaf. 1/2 of the loaf remains.

I'm blaming my mood on PMS, but really it's the stress of trying to keep my kids quiet while Hubby sleeps. He's working nights so that people have shelves full of food to buy.

I think that if my kids were in The Quiet Place, they would die fairly quickly.

Friday, 27 March 2020

Captain's Log 2020-03-27

Captain's log, Spring Break Day 10/10.
Got up. Went pee. Stared at a Giant Black Spider in the bathtub. 
Worked out. Canine 2 very upset that she was jailed at the time.
Decided not to make coffee because I wanted to spike it, and I actually have to drive to the office today.
Went to shower. Spider still there. Smelled armpits. Good. God.
Fed Canines instead. Called in Feline from his hunting trip. He came back empty-handed, but didn't eat much, so apparently he self-supplied. Selfish.
It rained on the spider, and it floated down the drain.
Showered, dressed, etc. Checked to see if spider was still gone. 
Told myself that I can abstain from spiking coffee.
Made coffee.
Texted Supply Officer a shopping list. Essentials only: milk, crackers, furnace filters.
Made banana-chocolate-chip muffins. Wondered if maybe there is such a thing as too much chocolate chips in a muffin. Not if you make chocolate banana muffins.
We are now out of chocolate chips. Texted Supply Officer.
Drank some coffee. 
Started Work-from-Home project.
Argued with Ensign #2 about whether Some Assembly Required is an acceptable show to watch for the 4th time through the series. Not sure why Ensign #2 is arguing with his Captain. Consequences incoming.
Re-analyzing decision to not spike coffee.
Fed both Ensigns muffins for breakfast. Tactical error.
Should have spiked the coffee. 4 hours should be long enough in between alcohol and driving, right?
Continued Work-from-Home project.
Still questioning decision to abstain from spiking coffee, but also not because alcohol and payroll probably wouldn't be an acceptable practice.
Currently eating lunch.

Wednesday, 22 January 2020

Three Mini-Mommy Vacations to Try

Ways moms can get a mini vacation:
1. Plan a long weekend getaway by yourself (working on this one for later this year).
  Pros: you come back refreshed, you don't have to worry about the every day logistics of getting everyone fed and off to school, and you don't have to mitigate the 1000 fights that happen every day.
  Cons: you have to find someone else to take care of those logistics and to mitigate those fights, and it can cost money. 
  Pros still outweigh the cons.

2. Send the kids to overnight camp. I've never done this one.
  Pros: you don't have any child related logistics to worry about between drop off and pick up.
  Cons: maybe you miss your kids, your kids might miss you, costs etc. 
  Still worth it.

3. Get a nasty blood infection, end up in emergency, and then in ICU, and get put on infectious protocols, and your kids aren't allowed to see you. I'm currently trying this one out.
  Pros: nurses are awesome. They will do so much for you, and you will lose the last shred of inhibitions over privacy during bodily functions that you had left. Not that you had much left. You have 2 kids and one bathroom; they've seen you do everything in there, and I mean everything. 
  You will have time to sleep, read, chat with a few friends, you won't have to worry about work, and someone else definitely has to take care of all those logistics listed above.
  Cons: you can't see your kids. You have 3 IV lines, a neck line, an artery line, heart monitors, a catheter, and you need someone to help you get all of that 3 feet to the commode just so that someone else can wipe your ass afterwards. You can't see your kids. You have constant diarrhea, from whatever, and it sucks. You can't see your kids. You are worried about kid logistics and work.you can't see your kids.
  This one is only a good break for a couple days. And then it gets old.