Number thirteen of 101 Things Parents Can Do to Help Children is "Allow sufficient time for your child to dress himself/herself."
Some days that amount of time is a cool ten minutes. Awesome.
Other days I realize I should have woken K1 up an hour earlier.
However, since that hour IS FOR ME--that's when I can shower, for crying out loud!--(and who the heck wants to wake up a three-year-old that early, anyway?), those other days end up being the kind where I say,
Sweetie, let me help you get your shirt on, k? We have to get going.
No. No. No, please let me help you. Put your arms in--arms in the sleeves. No, not through the neck, through the sleeves--seriously? You know how to do this. You did it yesterday.
What do you mean, 'ow'? What? Why isn't your head coming through? How big is your head? Who the f*%k did the zipper up on this?
No, don't say that word; it's a bad word and Mommy shouldn't have said it. Say "Heck" instead. Who the heck did the zipper up. Say that.
Okay, go put your shoes on please while I get your brother. Any shoes, just put them on. Other foot. No, other foot.
I'm putting your brother in the car and when I come back you better be wearing shoes. Yes, you can wear your red boots. They're on the wrong feet. Doesn't matter, we're just going to take them off in ten minutes...
Okay, out the door, let's go.
Wait, where are your pants? How did I not notice that you aren't wearing pants?
I never know the night before how it's going to go. It's awesome when it's ten minutes. It's interesting when it's not.