Monday, 28 April 2025

P0rn vs Spicy Books

 Language warning.

I've seen the odd post about some old fogey or two somewhere wanting to ban spicy books because they're thought of as porn, because porn is bad (and we all know without a shadow of a doubt that those old fogeys have never watched porn in their entire lives), and how dare women get in the mood without their husbands.

This got me thinking, just what is the difference between Porn and Spicy Books? 

Porn:

Dude: whoa, hey, I, uh, have a pizza? For this address?
Hot Woman: Oh, hey, yeah, why don't you come on in?
Dude Comes. On. In. 
Obligatory hot sex scene on a counter.
Obligatory anal sex scene.
Obligatory two girls one guy sex scene.
Optional boob sex scene.
Obligatory sex on a bed, but not in a position that looks remotely comfortable.
Obligatory blow job scene.
Obligatory someone else is watching the sex scene.

Not necessarily in that order. No story line. Just some random reasons to have sex. If you're lucky, you'll come across a sex scene where both participants look like they're having fun.

And if you're really lucky, the sex will be graphic. If you're stuck in a remote camp with limited satellite porn options, you might have to watch some guy get a blow job while he holds his unbuttoned shirt out so that you can't see the cock in the mouth.

If I wanted to use my imagination, I'd read a spicy book.

Spicy Book:

Meet-cute chapter.
Flirty chapter-character 1's POV.
Flirty chapter-C2's POV.
Flirty let's go for dinner/coffee/camping chapter.
Oh my god he's so cute chapter.
Make out session chapter. Sometimes it's a sex chapter.
Oh my god why is someone that hot into me chapter.
Self doubt chapter #2.
Do stuff together chapter.
Ohmygod she's so hot chapter.
Sex chapter.
Lack of communication chapter.
Almost break up chapter.
Almost sex chapter.
Miscommunication chapter. Or someone gets kidnapped. Or almost dies. Whatever it takes to bring about a big climax. Of the story.
Somebody saves the day / finally says whatever the fuck needed to be said in the Lack of Communication chapter.
Sex chapter.
Super sex chapter.
Stupid epilogue.

Of course, depending on the habanero pepper rating, you could have sex scenes sooner and more often, with more people (at the same time), with tails and/or tentacles, with ropes and whips, and with really creative positions.
What you definitely have is a story.

What's so wrong with spicy books?

Let's say that the porn is hot. Awesome. Chances are that unless dude's wife is watching with him, he's done at the end of the movie. Or the first scene. She misses out. Maybe. Maybe she dodges a mediocre bullet.
Spicy books, on the other hand, can be foreplay. They can rev you up and get your imagination going, and once that imagination is going, keep you hot until your partner is available.

Case in point: 
My husband likes some of the books that I read more than others. 
He has no idea what I'm reading. Just that I am good to go. 

Sunday, 2 February 2025

January: How to do better without the pressure of a New Year's Resolution Fest.

 What I learned about myself by not making any Resolutions, building habits instead, kick starting the year with a nutrition challenge, and doing less in my workouts (with bigger gains). And, my mantra for the year: "Just not all at once, and not right away."

I am part of Street Parking, an online fitness (programming) community that has its origins in the CrossFit world (at least, the founders do), but is not a CrossFit affiliate itself. It was designed as a program where if all you have is a pair of dumbbells and some determination, you can follow the program and get yourself fit. There are, of course, options for if you have more or all of the equipment, and options if you're pregnant/postnatal, or just starting out and not fit at all.

Their December mantra was Anti New Year, New Me:

In other words, don't wait for January to start your fitness journey; start / keep going in December. Build your consistency now. 
Of course, it's well past December. Did you make NY Resolutions, and now it's February, and you've already failed? Are you going to wait until next New Year? If you miss starting out in the first week of the month, are you going to wait until the next month starts? Spring? Summer? 

I hope not.
Just start now. If there's one thing I've learned over the years of trying to get fit, it's that I have to let go of my Calendar OCD. I don't have to start a yoga sequence at the beginning of a month, or on a Monday. I don't have to join a program/gym at the beginning of a year. Just start. Start where you are, and work towards your goal.

Street Parking (SP) hosted a Jump Start nutrition challenge for January.

Not going to lie, this felt a bit like a resolution thing, but it was more about learning about yourself and building consistent habits around nutrition.
Points were earned by:
  • Hitting your nutrition goals each day. It didn't matter if you chose the 800g Challenge or Paleo etc.
  • Drinking a set water target (of your choice).
  • Walking 10 minutes/ day or reaching a step target each day.
  • Starting each day with a protein and fruits or veggies at your first meal.
  • Avoid Alcohol.
  • Pay attention each day: 
    • How was your sleep?
    • How was your energy level?
  • And each week, note what your biggest win and what your biggest obstacle was.
How I did on the Challenge:
I didn't choose a specific diet plan. I've been aiming for 800g of fruits and vegetables a day for quite some time now, and I've been trying to increase my protein consumption. But I didn't want to have to do it for a challenge. So I chose to log all food and beverages consumed in Cronometer because I hate logging my food, but I do so much better when I do. Sure, I still have the chocolate and the snacks, but not as much. Logging keeps me accountable, if you will. And after having to do it every single day for four weeks, I've learned that it really doesn't take that long to do (time yourself, you'll see).
Will I keep logging going forward? Yes. Forever? Hell no.

I hit my water target (80oz) every day, and while I thought I drank lots of water before, sometimes tea got in the way. And I do feel better (my bladder likes more water, too. Less UTI irritation). I can't promise myself that I'll do 80oz every day, but I think 2L is doable (64), so somewhere in between. I'm not going to log it, though.

I chose the walking 10 minutes per day option. My dog agreed that this was the good option.
I work a desk job, so hitting step targets over 6k is just so much pressure (but that 10 minute walk can get me over 6k every time), and my psyche can't handle the failure of not hitting 10k steps a day.

We often have protein (eggs and turkey bacon), and often a vegetable or fruit for breakfast, but I made sure that I had it every day, even on weekends when cereal is usually easier. Granola with yogurt and a banana works, though.

Avoiding alcohol was easy enough. Had the challenge been no honey in my tea, we would have had issues. Or no chocolate. That would not have gone over well.

One thing I learned about myself during this challenge was that reading before bed made me have a much better sleep than anything else. I mean sure, walking in -20° can make you sleepy, eating well calms you down, but reading an actual book just does something to my brain, and my sleep score improves every time. Unless it's a smut e-book.

Unrelated to the Jump Start challenge, I made a big decision about my workout plan.


If you look through all the tracks that SP has to offer, you can choose from the daily workouts, several different endurance programs, multitudes of strength programs, bodyweight programs, rucking, and recovery. You could do something every day, multiple times a day. Well, someone infinitely fitter and thirty years younger than I could.
Last Spring I found myself wanting to do it all. Program it all. 

I had to stand back and ask myself, why am I doing this in the first place? To keep up with my kids. Go hiking and biking and swimming with them. And I found myself giving it all in a few workouts a week to the point where I was wrecked on the weekend and couldn't do any of that.

So in late December I decided to back off.
I chose to do the Shift (easier) version of all the Vault workouts (the special Monday workouts that are super fun, but not easy, and if you do all 25 in a year, you get a badge) this year. I am making myself do the Shift version of the Vault this year, at least for the first time through (January - June). Even if I think I can scale the barbell version, I'm doing the Shift version. 
And you know what? It's still hard. But I'm not wrecked on a Monday.

Wednesdays for the first 12 weeks of the year, SP has decided to focus on Strength. I'm enjoying the Strength sessions. They work a lot of the body in 30 minutes, and again, I'm backing off on how hard I push myself through the workout, but in doing so I'm making bigger gains. I can't explain it. I'm not pushing myself to the point of not being able to move the next day, but each week I add a little more weight (if I feel like it), and I've improved so much in just one month. I'm not overloading my overhead movements--those gains take longer or I suffer with arms that fall asleep all night and all day. But I can shoulder-press two pounds more than I could last Fall.

The other days of the week are spent working on one or two of endurance, some Olympic lifts, swimming, stairs, and just getting out and doing things on the weekends.

It's all about building Habits.


My Perfectly OCD Calendar has all my Habit Curator bubbles filled in every day, and I hit 800g every day, and I eat enough protein every day, and I do yoga every day, and I do about five other things every day. And I'll paint my house this year.....

This whole challenge, my biggest wins have been sleeping better and having more energy, and my biggest obstacles have been my own desire to do it all now.

I did start January with the intention of doing yoga every day (mostly because my mobility is tanking), but so far that hasn't happened. And maybe it's the nightly walks, or that I've backed off on the intensity of my workouts a bit, or that I'm actually stretching a tiny bit after workouts, but I'm not as stiff as I usually am if I don't do yoga. 

Don't get me wrong. I still need to work on my mobility. But I can take it slower than every day. 

I've nailed the daily walk habit.
I am good with logging my food every day.
And even though I wasn't actively trying for it, I did reach 800g & protein macros almost every day by the end of the challenge.
I do want to work on Endurance every week. 
I want to hike etc. every week.
I want to paint my house this Spring, and garden this Summer.

But it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be consistent. And more than nothing. Go Big or Go Home is not going to work here. And you can't have it all, not right away.

And every time I think I'm failing because I'm not doing it all right now, I think of the scene in Supergirl where Cat Grant explains how she does do it all, and I think, this actually is the very best advice:

Kara Danvers It was very hard. Really, really very hard.... I just don't know how you do it, Ms. Grant. I don't understand how you juggle it all.

Cat Grant Oh, Kira, you have stumbled upon the most annoying question of the century, and you are so young that you do not even realize it. How do you juggle it all? You learn, that's how. You start with two balls before adding another. I figured out how to be brilliant in business, and then I added being a brilliant mother. Far too many women burn out trying to do too much before they're ready.

Kara Danvers So you can have it all?

Cat Grant Of course. Just not all at once, and not right away. And not with that hair. Use conditioner, for god's sake.

BMBR: Veiled Kingdom and Hunted Heir by Holly Renee

 Random FB recommendation so I went for it (e-book). Decently written, okay romance, nice story, but IT DIDN'T END in book one so I bought book two and IT DIDN'T END and now I'm left in a quandary: do I preorder book three or do I drop the series? 

I preordered it, but I don't feel like my life would be lacking if I hadn't. 

3/5.

The sex scenes have good detail.

Wednesday, 29 January 2025

BMBR: Deadline by Sandra Brown

Romance artfully disguised as a well written and decently plotted thriller. 
Journalist meets trial witness and loses his objectivity. Etc. A couple events had me rolling my eyes or scoffing at stupidity, but I didn't lose any brain cells over it.

Her books are easy reads, but far from dumb.
Great escapist reading without being too fluffy, and if you don't like reading the romantic bits, they're easy enough to skip over. 

4/5

Monday, 27 January 2025

BMBR: Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

 This one was horrific. Not the writing or the book itself, but the subject matter. I remember watching the movie and being horrified at the end, and so when I read the book I knew the ending, but the detail that books will give you always outshine the details and backstories that movies do, so it hits home harder that they are children. And the writing feels like a cross between written for adults, but in a way that is simple enough for younger children to read, which makes the premise of children waging wars more terrible.

I do wish to continue the series.

4/5. 

Sunday, 26 January 2025

BMBR: The Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

Wonderful South Asian fantasy set in modern times. A shopkeeper trained in the Magic of Spices has to choose between her Craft and her Love for an American man.

Beautifully written. Not a fluffy read, but not a difficult read.

5/5

Planner Prompt Week 4: Start a Jar of Awesome

The suggestion is to write something that happened that was awesome on a slip of paper and put it in a Jar of Awesome. Every. Day.

We had a Memory Jar. We donated it after years of no use, so I'm not sure that this one is going to work for me.

A notebook, maybe? The Curation planner itself?

I do love this idea. It's a little more nuanced than Daily Gratitude, I think, because sometimes the things that you're grateful for aren't always the awesome thing that happened to you. 

I feel like this one has a lot of pressure attached to it, to be honest. And I think that to remove some pressure off of having an awesome thing happen to you every day, you're going to have to learn to lower your expectations of what is Awesome. Like, maybe the best thing that happened to you today is that you got through the day. The Awesome thing is maybe you got dressed, or remembered to eat. Felt the sun on your face. 

I had a gym coach that always says "Have the best day" when you're leaving the gym. If every day is the best day, that's a lot. Sometimes I'm happy with a good day, or even a mediocre day. Every day can't be the Best day, can it?