101 Things to Do for your Children: #15: Let Them Grow Stuff

Number 15 of the 101 Things to do with kids is

If possible allow your child a plot of land or at least a flower pot in which to experience growing things.

K2 bought a seed potato a while back. I cut it into four pieces and he planted them. A few days later he dug a couple up to see if they were growing.

Now they're doing quite well. Three of them are, anyway. I'm not too sure what happened to potato piece number four. It's quite possibly rotting in the raspberry bushes somewhere.

I bought a couple strawberry plants, and as soon as the berries are ripe enough (any bit of red at all), they're picked. I think that they're even eaten. And I can't wait for the raspberries to be ready. I'm also hoping that the raspberries aren't too angry about the severe pruning job that they got this spring (which K2 got to help with as well--awesome!).

I think that this is a great Thing. It makes so much sense on so many levels. Your kids get to learn about where food comes from. They get to dig in the dirt. They get to learn how plants grow. They get to dig in the dirt and you can't get mad at them for it! They get to learn the responsibility of taking care of things so that they grow and flourish. And watering is fun, fun, fun!

I mean, after they get to dig in the dirt for a reason, and get really dirty which is the bestest fun ever, they get to water everything. Not just the plant, but the lawn around it. And the deck. And the sandbox. And maybe they can fill the kiddie pool a bit more while they're at it. And maybe now we can put the sprinkler on, Mom.

And while the sprinkler's on, you just go on thinking that we're occupied. Hey, is it okay that we moved these flowers over here? I know we already did it, so it must be okay, right? I think the sandbox needs more water, so I'll just move the sprinkler over there. Heck. Let's just put it right in the pool while we're at it. That'll help balance out the sand-to-water ratio that's in the pool.

Once everything's watered and tended-to, it's just a matter of letting the sun do it's thing, and we've had lots of sun so far this summer!

Now we just have to wait until the potatoes are ready for some more justified digging-that-happens-not-in-the-sandbox!

101 Things to do for Kids: #44--Talk about Food

44. When food shopping, talk to your child about what you see -- from kumquats to lobsters. Talk about where food items come from. Talk about the people who help us by growing, picking, transporting, and displaying food.

We rock on this one.  K1 (who is four) helps me bake all the time, and he knows the difference between baking soda and baking powder. My kids have eaten tamarinds. They aren't for the faint of heart. We even planted some potatoes (K1 bought one from the plant store--totally his idea!). They were then promptly dug up a couple days later so that he could see if they had grown any bigger.

Ha ha. Potatoes. That reminds me of the time that I went to a conference regarding GMO foods, and a health-food-store owner told a story about a woman who walked into the store, took one look at the bin of dirty potatoes (he'd heard that they keep better if you leave some of the dirt on them), and started chewing out the staff; how dare they be so horrible as to let the potatoes get dirty!

Um, yeah, potatoes grow in the ground. In. Under. As in, you have to dig them up and wash them in order for them not to be dirty. Onions, beets, and carrots are like that, too, by the way. Tamarinds grow on trees. Or at least, they do in the picture on the box that they came in.

Anyway, now I'm reminded of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. I watched the episode from the UK; one girl could identify a few of the vegetables, but most of the kids could only tell you the colour. That is kind of sad.

(I was talking about this with a coworker, and she told me of the time that some British exchange students were billeted at her house for a weeknight; they had their usual meal of meat, potatoes, and vegetables. The girls were mortified that the family had gone out of their way to prepare them a Sunday dinner for them. I remember that being a standard dinner at my house--meat, potatoes or rice or pasta, two veggies (one green, one "yellow" (cauliflower was in the "yellow" category)) and a salad. Every meal.)

That (two paragraphs up) reminds me of the kids in Super Size Me who all knew who Ronald McDonald was, but couldn't identify Jesus. Actually, my kids probably don't know who Jesus is yet, either, since we don't go to church, but also don't know Ronnie. At least, I don't think that they do. Whatever happened to the Hamburgler?

Anyway, what I think that I'm trying to say on this one is that yes, kids totally need to know where food comes from (beyond a grocery store), but if the parents don't know, and aren't interested in finding out, and would rather buy a pre-made salad instead of making one, those kids are going to grow up thinking that all food comes from a shelf at the store, and all you have to do is open up the bag or the box and pop it in a microwave or oven to "cook" it. I guess at least that's a slightly higher skill set than going through a drive-through every day. I'll give them that.

I'm still all for teaching my kids from where real food originates, how it grows, and how to prepare it. K1 is really good at stirring; most of the batter stays in the bowl, now. K2 is pretty interested, too, and he's 18 months; he's constantly dragging a chair over so that he can see what's going on. Pretty soon I may even get K1 prepping meals, and not just baked goods. As long as it's fun, he's totally in to it. And he's learning some fractional math already, and he doesn't even know it!

Now if only he was as in to the cleanup part like his brother; you cannot keep that kid out of the dishwasher. Sometimes literally.

Speaking of cleanup, I should probably run.

Oh, and I dare you to leave a few tamarinds lying around your house when you have company coming!!

Tee hee.

101 Things to do for Children: # 57 - Learn to say, "No..."

Number 57 of the 101 Things Parents Can Do For Children is  Learn to say, "No," without anger, and with firmness and conviction. Not everything children want is appropriate.

Sometimes, it's hard to leave, maybe not so much the anger part out of it, but to leave the frustration part out of the word "No."

But I whole-heartedly agree that children do need to be told "No" when they are asking for things that are inappropriate, for things that are inappropriate in that moment (IE no juice/sugar before bed, thank you very much), or when instead of asking, they're whining and/or demanding for things, and are essentially being very rude.

A common utterance in our house is "What does whining (or crying) get you? Nothing."

And the word "Please" better be tacked on to that sentence somewhere (yes, we model this--even when I'm frustrated and super irritated I try to always say "Please", as in, "NO! I said please come brush your teeth, or I will take all of your trains away").

And, it's not, "Whine whine whine." "What's the magic word?" "Please." It's, "Whine whine whine." "What's the magic word?" "Please." "In a whole sentence. And without the whining. Please."

"Could I have some milk, Mommy. Please?"

That may have been a bit whiny, but it will do.

#9: Have a Special Shelf Where Your Child's Books Are Kept and Replaced after Careful Use.

This is from 101 Things Parents Can Do. I think number nine is an excellent thing to do for your children. I truly and honestly do. I'm not sure, however, that my reality is what the folks at Montessori had in mind. . . .

My kids have two shelves for their books. They're very special shelves. They're the bottom two shelves of one of my two bookcases. In fact, if it weren't for my new love of my Kindle, I'd be reclaiming these shelves in a super hurry. I'd still like to. I'd love to get the kids some bookcases of their own. In their own rooms.

But, every time that I think of it, I also think of how they'd have to be suspended from the ceiling and out of reach.

Space being what it is in our home, the bookcases are along the wall behind the dining room table. Easy access. Which is awesome, because my kids LOVE books. LOOOOOVE them. Which is totally awesome!

They love to read them. Well, they love it when someone reads books to them, because let's face it, they can't quite read on their own yet. Almost, but not quite.

They also love to play with books. They make great tunnels for Thomas and all his friends. They stack in really cool piles. And if you stand at the shelf, you can grab them one by one and watch them fly! K2 thinks that that's the coolest.

We now push the chairs back against the bookcases when we're not at the table. It's only a matter of time before K2 figures out how to pull them out of his way, but for now they keep the books safe.

It shouldn't be too much longer, though, before the constant reminders about how books are to be revered, respected and cared for sink in, and they can have their own bookcases in their own rooms, and I can buy more real books for myself!

Oh, wait. If I ever have time to finish reading the stack of books that are hanging out on the piano, I'll need those shelves anyway. . . .

Number 39 : Memorize Poetry

Number 39 of 101 Things to do for Children is to memorize poetry, teach it to your child, and recite it together.

Does singing

       Get a haircut and get a real job
      Clean your act up and don't be a slob
      Get it together like your big brother bob
      Why don't you get a haircut and get a real job

count?

George Thorogood is coming to town, so the local radio dudes have been playing his songs a fair bit. Something to do with winning tickets.

My three-year old picked up the above verse pretty quickly. . .

#13 Allow Sufficient Time for your Child to Dress Himself/Herself

Number thirteen of 101 Things Parents Can Do to Help Children is "Allow sufficient time for your child to dress himself/herself."

Some days that amount of time is a cool ten minutes. Awesome.

Other days I realize I should have woken K1 up an hour earlier.

However, since that hour IS FOR ME--that's when I can shower, for crying out loud!--(and who the heck wants to wake up a three-year-old that early, anyway?), those other days end up being the kind where I say,

Sweetie, let me help you get your shirt on, k? We have to get going.
No. No. No, please let me help you. Put your arms in--arms in the sleeves. No, not through the neck, through the sleeves--seriously? You know how to do this. You did it yesterday.
What do you mean, 'ow'? What? Why isn't your head coming through? How big is your head? Who the f*%k did the zipper up on this?
No, don't say that word; it's a bad word and Mommy shouldn't have said it. Say "Heck" instead. Who the heck did the zipper up. Say that.
Okay, go put your shoes on please while I get your brother. Any shoes, just put them on. Other foot. No, other foot.
I'm putting your brother in the car and when I come back you better be wearing shoes. Yes, you can wear your red boots. They're on the wrong feet. Doesn't matter, we're just going to take them off in ten minutes...
Okay, out the door, let's go.
Wait, where are your pants? How did I not notice that you aren't wearing pants?

I never know the night before how it's going to go. It's awesome when it's ten minutes. It's interesting when it's not.

#6: Make Bedtime and Morning-Time a Calm and Pleasant Ritual

Number six of the 101 Things to Do for Children is "Make both going to bed and getting up a calm and pleasant ritual."

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Sorry, I had to get that out of my system first.

Ideal:

Your entire day is filled with calm routine that allows your children the security of knowing exactly what to expect at any given moment, and by after dinner they know that story time and brush-your-teeth time and snack time and potty-break time all lead up to bedtime, and they willingly and lovingly accept it all with great serenity.

In the morning, you cheerily open the door and call out, "Good Morning, Sweetie!" Your child then calmly rolls out of bed and goes to the bathroom on their own and gets dressed without complaint, and they are so cooperative in getting out the door that you actually have time to smile at your coworkers over a fresh cup of coffee (you even had time to make the pot).

Reality:

You're on maternity leave. Your baby woke up every two hours last night, so you're really tired, and you're hoping like crazy that everyone will sleep in until seven so that you can sneak in a shower, but your baby wakes up at five and will only sleep if he's in bed with you; this means no to the shower, but hey, you get to be horizontal for another couple of hours. Make that one. Hour. You want to cry when you think of what it's going to be like when you go back to work in a month.

You have a poopy diaper to change and a toddler to get on the toilet before he pees his pants, and for some reason, everyone except for you is crying (you're by yourself because your husband works at four in the morning. Lucky bastard) and you don't know why. You want to cry when you think of what it's going to be like when you go back to work in a month.

The rest of your day is not securely filled with routine. You try, but depending on how much sleep you got, and on everyone's mood, you might go for a walk, or colour, or go to Strong Start, or just hang out on the couch and watch TV for a bit before you remember that you're going out for the evening (everyone!) and you're hoping that the diapers are dry by then. Oh, darnit. Apparently you need to do some laundry. . . . You want to cry when you think of what it's going to be like when you go back to work in a month.

Now you're back home and it's an hour before bedtime, but the toddler fell asleep in the car, so you know that when he wakes up it's going to be a disaster. He finally wakes up and he's crying but he can't tell you why, so he goes to bed, and when he wakes up he's so sad and sore, so he gets some ibuprophen, and you offer him a cookie but he doesn't want it, and he's beside himself with--I don't know what this is, actually--and when he finally does come out he's more than happy to play or watch TV for the "Fifteen minutes until bedtime, Buddy." When you say "Five more minutes until bedtime," he says "Okay." Liar.

It's now way past bedtime and the baby's finally done his last pee and poop so you know that he's ready (he's chewing on you; that's a good sign that he wants a bottle). Toddler, though, he doesn't want to brush his teeth (but he does) or go pee (but he does) or go to bed (but he does). As soon as you close his door and get settled with the baby, Toddler has to poop (but he doesn't), and he didn't get a snack and now he wants his cookie; uh, no, you can have some crackers (and he does); afterwards he still wants his cookie. Too late, Bud. You close the door and he has to poop (but he doesn't). Then Daddy has to sleep with him. His crying is keeping up baby, who is screaming in his crib. You want to cry when you think of what it's going to be like when you go back to work in a month.

Finally upon the threat of pain of a sound spanking (empty threat, but don't tell him that), Toddler goes to bed. And, he's sort of quiet. Quiet enough that attempt number two with the baby actually works. But now it's past your husband's bedtime (he gets up at three. Yes, that's A.M.).  You don't even get to watch "adult" TV together. You know, like the Simpsons. So now you're thinking that you're probably not going to get lucky tonight, either. So you sit at your computer and write a blog post, instead. You want to cry when you think of what it's going to be like when you go back to work in a month.


Reality is Improving:

Okay, really, it's not always this bad. When we do have our shit together and we have a nice dinner at home with bath time and story time etc right after, and especially if no one naps past four or five (and especially if the toddler doesn't nap at all), bedtime is easy. Well, easier. It's at least a lot more fun for everyone involved.

I do want to cry sometimes when I think of how it's all going to go down when I'm back at work in a month, but then I think, after a few days of getting up at six so that they can eat breakfast before heading off to daycare at 7:10, they're going to be so freaking tired by the time supper rolls around that they'll be happy to go to bed!

Or, what's going to happen is that because I'm going to have to get up at five, I'm going to have to go to bed at nine in order to be sane and functional. If they're still farting around after 8:30, they're going to have to fend for themselves. Or just stay the hell in bed! Ha. Ha. Ha.

#18: Eliminating or Limiting TV

#18: Eliminate or strictly limit TV watching and replace with activity oriented things which involve the child rather than his/her being a passive observer. When the child does watch TV, watch it with him/her and discuss what is being seen.

In theory, I wholeheartedly agree with this one. In practice, I would like to extend a big THANK-YOU to Treehouse, Disney Junior, and BabyTV. Without you, my house would be the next stop for Kim and Aggie, I would stink so badly that fruit-flies would continuously circle, supper would never get made, and I’m not sure when I’d get to poop.

K1 and K2 sometimes hang out watching a bit of nicely distracting TV while I try to accomplish a bit of housework or personal hygiene. This helps to ensure that the house is still standing when I step out of the shower. (And, I’m pretty sure that a lot of people would never have more than one child without TV ;) , but that’s just between you and me.)

Now, I’m sure that it’s possible to hold to the theoretical ideal for #18, but I know myself, and I’m much more relaxed when I’m not trying to be the perfect mommy. I know people who strive for that. They’re crazy. Or they’re driving other people crazy. Seriously.

Besides, they don’t watch that much, even when it’s on. Most of the time the living room and dining room are made into a climbing gym and the TV is just background noise. More often than not, they’re asking, demanding, that I fetch down the puzzles and the marble games, or they disappear into a bedroom to play with something (which usually goes something like this: K1 builds a train track and K2 destroys it, which results in beaucoup de tears).

The only time that they watch more TV than I’d like is when they aren’t feeling well. This mostly applies to K1. If he hangs out on the couch with you all day, just watching movies etc., you know that he’s not feeling well, especially if he falls asleep while doing so (this is the kid that never naps during the day).

In general, the kids do play/engage in a ton of activities where they’re involved and not just spectators. We have games, crafty items, building blocks, a kitchen/dining/living-room/hallway that you can do laps around, parks, gymnastics, swimming lessons, a piano, and a fenced-in backyard. They’re very active kids.

As for the “when the child does watch TV, watch it with him/her and discuss what is being seen” part of #18, well, that defeats the whole purpose of using TV as a distraction so I can go poop, now doesn’t it?

Okay, seriously though, I always answer their questions/comments on what they watch, and there are some programs that they don’t get to watch (Angelina Ballerina is a whiny, spoiled little brat). Their favourite shows tend to teach them something, or make them laugh.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get the kids ready for an outing. BabyTV is on. Not that anyone is watching… 

#4: Your Child’s Wardrobe: The Re-Do.

I think that I might have a problem with wordiness. These posts all seem so much shorter in my head, and then I start typing, and it’s like I have a bad case of overflowitis.

Since one purpose of this blog is to work on my writing, I’m going to edit a previous post for conciseness. Or re-write it, whichever is easier:

Number four of 101 Things Parents Can Do to Help Children is: Analyze your child's wardrobe and build a wardrobe aimed at 1) freedom of movement, 2) independence, and 3) freedom from distraction.

My children’s wardrobes were mostly free, as in we’ve spent maybe $300 of our own money on our kids’ clothes in three years. I’m not going to analyze that too much because truthfully, the free part has been awesome.

Firstly, THANK YOU to the awesome woman who gives us all of her boys’ hand-me-downs!

Okay, so on with the wardrobe analysis.

1) I’m happy to say that all of the big-boy clothes allow for freedom of movement, no questions asked. They mostly consist of sweat-pants and comfy jeans, comfy t-shirts and cozy sweaters. The only time they hinder movement is if the pants are too big and they keep falling down, or if they’re too small; I now have bins marked “Too Big” and “Too Small” and as we find these items, they get set aside for later or for Kid #2, respectively. And, they were all free.

As for kid #2, he’s starting to crawl, and sometimes his legs get jammed up in the sleeper; when that happens we change him into pants and a shirt, and his freedom of movement is back. And, they were all free.

#1) Check.

2) I’m guessing that by independence they mean that the kids should be able to dress themselves. Socks on by himself: check. Pants on by himself: check. Shirts on by himself: check-ish. Jackets: not so much. Shoes: check 90% of the time!

Independence for K2: yeah, his view on that is struggle vigorously while you try to dress him because “MOM! I said I want to roll OVER! LET ME GO!!!” He’s starting to get the hang of pushing his own arm through a sleeve, but he still doesn’t tuck his thumb in, so it can be a bit tricky, especially when he’s vigorously struggling… We’ll wait a bit before we require him to dress himself.

Hmm. Maybe by independence they mean individuality. K1 can pick an orange shirt and green pants and blue socks and if that’s what he wants to wear, that’s what he gets to wear. Double check. If he loves what he’s wearing, and it’s free, awesome.

#2) Check.

3). Do my kids find their clothes distracting? Only when the sizing fit is an issue, and that’s just a matter of dresser management. Easy fix. Otherwise, nothing at the playground ever stops them. And, at this age, they don’t care that they’re free. Every new bag is awesome.

#3) Check.

The wardrobe has passed.

#4: Your Child’s Wardrobe

Number four of 101 Things Parents Can Do to Help Children is: Analyze your child's wardrobe and build a wardrobe aimed at freedom of movement, independence, and freedom from distraction.

My children’s wardrobes were free. I’m not going to analyze that too much because truthfully, the free part has been awesome.

Okay, free is an exaggeration, but we’ve probably only spent $300 on clothes in the last three years. How, you ask? Gifts, of course, are part of it. The other part of it is that a friend of ours has two boys who are older than our two boys, and we get all of her hand-me-downs. And she’s a shopaholic so we get garbage bags full of clothes on a regular basis. I haven’t even opened the last bag, and according to our friend most of this bunch still has tags on it…

Firstly, THANK YOU!!! We appreciate her gifts so much!

You’d think that by the time two to three boys have gone through a wardrobe it would be totally worn out, and I’m sure some of it is (feet poking through holes in the sleepers? Why, just cut the feet right off! (Of the sleepers!!) They’re now just open-toed sleepers, which are very cute), but most of it is still in good shape. Or, at least, it’s in good enough shape. It helps, I think, that there are so many items. I especially appreciate the volume when he goes outside a couple of times a day to play in his dirt-box; I can actually wait for an entire week before having to do laundry.

I’m also really not that picky at this point (my mom would have something to say about that, but she’s my mom, so it’s not surprising). The really ratty clothes are worn to play outside, and the nicer ones are reserved for public appearances.

As happy as I am with my kids’ wardrobes, can it provide more freedom of movement, independence, and freedom from distraction?

I’m happy to say that all of the big-boy clothes allow for freedom of movement, no questions asked. They mostly consist of sweat-pants and comfy jeans, comfy t-shirts and cozy sweaters. The only time they hinder movement is if the pants are too big and they keep falling down, or if they’re too small; I now have bins marked “Too Big” and “Too Small” and as we find these items, they get set aside for later or for Kid #2, respectively.

As for kid #2, he’s starting to crawl, and sometimes his legs get jammed up in the sleeper; when that happens we change him into pants and a shirt, and his freedom of movement is back.

I’m guessing that by independence they mean that the kids should be able to dress themselves. Socks on by himself: check. Pants on by himself: check (he’ll swear he needs your help, but with the right motivation, like my saying “you can’t go outside until your pants are on”, he can do it. Oh sure, he tries to tell you the next day that no, he can’t, but you just look at him and say, “Buddy, you whipped those pants up so fast yesterday, so I know you can”). Shirts on by himself: check-ish. We still have to hold the shirt in position, but once his arms are in he can pull it down over his head. Jackets: he still doesn’t believe you when you tell him which arm goes in which sleeve—it’s opposite of what he thinks it should be when he’s facing the jacket. Shoes: check 90% of the time!

Independence for baby #2: yeah, his view on that is struggle vigorously while you try to dress him because “MOM! I said I want to roll OVER! LET ME GO!!!” He’s only just starting to get the hang of pushing his own arm through a sleeve, but he still doesn’t tuck his thumb in, so it can be a bit tricky, especially when he’s vigorously struggling… We’ll wait a bit before we require him to dress himself.

Do my kids find their clothes distracting? Only when they hinder their movements in their quests to covertly get into trouble do they raise a fuss. (I guess that little girls in pretty little dresses might find it distracting to try and keep their dresses pretty while playing in the park. Mind you, I saw a teenaged girl in a pretty dress playing tag with her friends at a big playground—the jungle-gym posed no problem for her; her dad may’ve flipped a bird if he’d seen her acrobatics, though.)

Or, in this case, could they mean that the appearance of the clothes is distracting. IE, are the kids being overly concerned with labels and style (something I was never a slave to in high school, but I do understand the need to fit in)? At this point my kids are three and younger, so no. Kid #1 has even picked out his own outfits, and if he thinks he looks good in green and red in the middle of summer, who am I to shoot down his happy-balloon? My hope is less towards teaching him how to perfectly coordinate (like I’d know how to do that anyway), and more towards teaching him to have his own style (but to have a style and not just look like a bum), and to be strong enough to stand up for it by the time that it matters to other kids. I guess at that point, if the freebies aren’t their own style, I’ll have to start buying them their own choices (within monetary reason; they can spend their allowance on ridiculously priced items!).

But until then, I think that if the clothes are comfortable, allow my kids to move around however they want to and aren’t bugging them, and are easy to put on, what they have is just perfect. 

#5: Make sure your child gets sufficient sleep.

I whole-heartedly agree with this one. Well, I do in theory, anyway.

I’d like to know, though, if there’s a list somewhere called “101 Things Children Can Do to Help Their Parents?” If there is, somewhere on it is “Make sure that you let Mommy get enough sleep; she’ll be in a much better mood for when you do things that you categorize as fun but that she categorizes as ‘Really?’ or ‘Oh for Crying out Loud’ (often followed by actual crying).” 

Because let me tell you, I could use “sufficient” sleep. What would Sufficient Sleep be? Ideally, eight hours. Pipe Dream, I know. Okay, okay, sufficient would be getting to bed at a reasonable hour, followed by four to five straight hours of uninterrupted sleep with a short break for a diaper change/potty break, quick drink and a quick cuddle before quickly falling back to sleep, followed by another two to four hours of sound sleep before having to get up for the day. Oh heck, I’d be happy with just “more” sleep!

I don’t think that getting your child to sleep through the night is quite what they mean, however, although that would probably help.

I think what Eva probably means is that we should put our children to bed early enough so that when they awaken from a steady slumber in time to get on with their day they’ve slept for as many hours as recommended by people like these guys. And if not, we should provide our children with opportunities for naps (which, I’ve been told (by my mom) should be on a regular schedule and shouldn’t be prevented or interrupted by “errands” etc.

Okay, that gives me: 1. sleeping through the night, 2. going to bed early enough, and 3. naps.

1. Let me start with sleeping through the night. My first child did as a baby, and he’s really good at it now. It took a year and a half, though, to move his chosen bedtime of two a.m. (want to know how many TV shows I watched on DVD while we did four+ hour breastfeeding marathons? A few. And Yay for the DVR) to nine p.m. He’s now three and we are just getting him in bed and to sleep (not always the same thing!) by eight p.m., sometimes earlier. No matter when he falls asleep, he sleeps until seven on average, which has been awesome.

Enter child number two. He’s now almost a year. He goes to sleep for the night much earlier that his big brother, but it’s an anomaly for him to sleep for more than three hours at a time (it used to be one to two hours, so there has been some improvement). Until very recently, a night typically went like this: nurse for an hour to fall asleep; if it’s before eight, pee my diaper within an hour of being put in the crib; nurse some more to fall asleep again; sleep for two to three hours before peeing my diaper at about eleven or twelve; so that I don’t wake up my older brother by screaming through the diaper change, bring me to bed with you so that I can nurse for two hours while you “sleep” and then change my diaper and put me back in my crib; sleep for two to three hours before peeing my diaper at about three; so that I don’t wake up my older brother by screaming through the diaper change, bring me to bed with you so that I can nurse for two hours while you “sleep” and then change my diaper and put me back in my crib; if it’s before four, sleep until four and bring me to bed to nurse while you “sleep” until it’s time to get up (I might go back to my crib for an hour, but good luck with that); if it’s after four, I might go back to my crib for an hour, but it’s not recommended to try.

Recently, I’ve been putting up with a lot of biting in the hopes that it’s just a once-in-awhile thing like it was with child number one, but he finally drew blood the other day and I just can’t nurse anymore. So now I’m expressing, and he can bite all he wants (poor bottle nipple). Now a typical night goes like this: a bottle? Really? Sigh. Suck back the meagre amount that you managed to squeeze out earlier, and let you sing and cuddle me to sleep (and after the first night, I won’t scream that much); you can express some more at this point; sleep for a couple hours until I pee my diaper; this time I guess it’s okay for you to change my diaper first; suck back a bit of milk from the bottle, but let me tell you, I’m pissed off about the change in delivery modes; cuddle me back to sleep and I’ll sleep for a couple of hours until I pee my pants etc. etc. etc.; oh wait—it’s four and you just couldn’t stay awake after I fell asleep last time, so instead of expressed breast milk you’re giving me formula? Wtf, lady. Sigh. I guess I’ll drink some, but I’m going to be talking to my union rep about this when he wakes up (Mom in: I’m assuming he means his big brother. Or, maybe his father); I’ll go back to sleep, but only until six, whereupon you will give me the rest of the formula while I pretend to drink it while snuggling in bed with you in your hopes of my falling asleep again. Ha ha, joke’s on you! Get up lady!

I know that there’s a book out there on how the French mommies get their kids to eat veggies and sleep through the night (one woman was embarrassed that it took her baby until three-months-old to sleep through the night), and during one brutal night I did an internet search for books on getting babies to sleep. I found this so I thought, “Never mind,” and I’ve been making enough progress to make me think that one day I’ll look back on all of this and laugh. Someday.

2. Going to bed early enough: sleep training does work—you just have to be consistent and stronger willed than the child. Lol.

To get child number one to sleep before two, and then before eleven, and then at around nine, without having to nurse/rock/swing and sing, I followed the advice given to me by a daycare operator (I was preparing to go back to work and therefore was shopping around for childcare).

She suggested putting the child to bed at bedtime. Let him cry. After five minutes, go in and check his diaper; change it if necessary. Do not engage with the child—IE don’t talk to the child other than maybe a quick hug, I love you and/or good night. Let him cry. Go back in after ten minutes and repeat the diaper check etc. Go back in after fifteen, twenty, thirty, forty minutes and so on. The first night took three hours or more before he fell to sleep. But I got a LOT of housework done in between checks. The second night took an hour and a half. The third night was less than thirty minutes. After that it only took ten (until toddlerhood).

As a toddler, we’ve managed to get his bedtime to an even earlier hour by following several steps: I set an alarm for starting supper so that we eat by six or so instead of “Oh! It’s seven? When did that happen? What does everyone want for dinner?” I also have two alarms half an hour apart that say “Snack or Bath-time” (depending on when supper ended determines the order of snack and bath-time). Snack Time is important because it prevents the “Mommy, I’m Hungries” five minutes after going to bed. Actually, they’ll still try it, but now you can legitimately say “I don’t believe you. Go to bed.” Then I have the “Bedtime” alarm which means brush your teeth, get a story, and get to bed. I’m not super rigid with the alarms (life does happen), but it does help me keep on track a little better, and later on I’ll be able to teach my kids a useful tool for taking over bedtime as their own responsibility. There are still nights where he cries (self-soothes) or plays, and we did have a few months of having to tie his door shut so that he couldn’t escape (we tried a baby gate but he just camped out by his door which was not conducive to sleep), but it usually only takes a few minutes for things to get quiet.

We are working on all of this with baby number two. He naturally goes to bed earlier on his own than his brother did, but he does not like to sleep through the night. (See (1) above.)

3. Providing naps. I’ve met people who are housebound at specific times of the day so that their children can nap. Kudos!

Child One’s naps have always been random, and now if they happen, they happen so late in the afternoon that I’m up until eleven with him, so I just deal with a couple hours of evening crankiness and make him wait until bedtime.

Child Two regularly gets sleepy at eleven-ish, one-ish, and five-ish. I like to take the boys to Strong Start which happens from nine to noon. Sometimes I have to be out in the afternoon or evening. Therefore, naptime sometimes gets pushed back a bit. My nephew must nap at ten, so he doesn’t get to go to Strong Start. I’ve found that eventually Child Two gets tired enough to fall asleep at Strong Start (even during noisy Gym Time), while out shopping, in the car, or while visiting. And if he doesn’t, he’ll fall asleep on the way home. I do make sure that if we have a couple of busy days in a row and that if he seems extra tired, we’ll stay home and have a quiet day (Child One appreciates this, too).

So, in the grand scheme of things, I try my best to make sure that my children get sufficient sleep, but life is life, and my kids are who they are, so I’m not going to lose any sleep over any lack of sleep because eventually it all balances out in the end. At least, I think it does. I’m pretty tired, so math is a bit difficult.

101 Things I Can Do to Help My Children: The Most Important One

Recently I picked up a pamphlet titled "101 Things Parents Can Do to Help Children." I am going to try them all, but not necessarily in order.

 

The first one, for me, isn't even part of the list. It doesn't even have a number, and it's at the bottom, yet I think that it's the most important Thing of all: "Enjoy life together."

I love it when my kids are happy. I love it when I see that other people's kids are happy. I love it when I'm happy, and I love to see other people happy when they're with their kids.

But, does anyone have perfectly happy kids all the time? And, really, are any parents perfectly happy all the time? Maybe. If that's you, Kudos! I'm not sure that I believe you. More on that later.

My big questions are these: does happiness mean the same thing as enjoyment, do you need one in order to have the other, or can they be independent of one another; and, is 100% enjoyment an attainable (and healthy) goal?

I think that happiness and enjoyment can appear to be the same thing, but I think that they are also very different things. I think that happiness is more of a state of mind or a feeling in your heart, whereas enjoyment is a state of having fun. You can, for instance, be happy with your life in general, but at a particular moment you might not be enjoying what you are doing, or you could be depressed in general, but hey, right this second something tickled your fancy and you actually enjoyed this moment, if even for just a few seconds. So, no, you don’t need one to have the other, but it is probably easier to enjoy life and have fun when you’re happy than when you’re seriously depressed. I’ve known this to be true myself. On the other hand, finding a way to enjoy more and more little moments in your life can sometimes help you become happier in life. This too I know.

Is it possible, though, to enjoy absolutely everything you do, to enjoy 100% of your life (in this case, with your child)? I think only you can answer that for yourself, and I’m sure that someone out there will answer yes, and they might even mean it. Me? All I can do is to try. Yoda would be so disappointed.

Oh sure, I want to enjoy life together with my children, and I want them to enjoy life with me. I have to be realistic, though. I think that the more attainable (and healthier) goal for us would be to strive for 100% happiness. Okay, 90%, because let’s face it, crap happens that will make us sad every now and then. Enjoyment, however?

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that my toddler doesn’t enjoy his time-outs for inappropriate behaviour. Actually, I’m very sure. Yelling “You’re a bad mommy!” at me while I’m putting him in the time-out is a pretty big clue. But am I going to stop giving him time-outs for things like purposefully pouring his milk on the floor at supper time while you are telling him “No! Please do not pour your mil-argh!”? Or for pushing his baby brother over again when you just told him not to do it again or he’ll get a time-out for it? Nope. Time-outs are a pretty necessary thing; I do not want to be the parent with the completely out-of-control, spoiled brat of a child anywhere, even though he honestly tries to be that child sometimes, I swear.

I also don’t think that he thoroughly enjoys having to wear clothes some days (no really, Buddy, it is a social norm to not go out in public naked, honest), or going to bed when he’s not tired even though it’s dark outside (he’s only rubbing his eyes and crying every two seconds because we’re making him go to bed, not because he’s tired, really), or having to come in from the super-fun backyard for a potty break (because apparently telling him that he’ll be going out again right after is a big fat lie even when it isn’t, and is therefore a cause for a mini-meltdown).

I personally don’t enjoy being called a bad mommy, I don’t enjoy feeling like an ogre because I’m constantly correcting/redirecting inappropriate (bad) behaviour (when, exactly, do children stop testing?), I don’t enjoy how physically and mentally exhausted I constantly seem to be (it would be nice if the baby slept for more than two hours at a time), and I really do NOT enjoy having my nipples almost bitten off (somebody’s getting weaned, which actually makes me a little sad (but my boobs will be happier. And less bloody)).

I DO, however, enjoy reading with my kids, I enjoy playing with my kids, I enjoy going for walks with my kids, I enjoy camping with my kids, I enjoy learning with my kids, and I enjoy laughing with my kids. There’s a LOT that I enjoy doing with my kids.

And, generally, I think that we’re pretty happy.

Do you want the reality check, though? Sometimes I think that the 100% people are lying, and sometimes it’s just really hard.

I said at the beginning that I don’t believe the people who seem to be happy 100% of the time. Sure, you may seem to be having lots of fun, but are you trying too hard? Are you spending more time in your car getting to your fun stuff than you are doing the fun stuff? Are you enjoying the trip, too? Shouldn't we be enjoying the journey as well as the destinations? I don't think that you can enjoy life when you're trying so hard to have fun by doing a million fun things a day that you're stressing yourself out. 

 

That, and life throws curveballs at you that can make it hard to enjoy every moment in life. Not impossible, but harder nonetheless.

My second pregnancy/childbirth did reeealy funky things to my hormones. Some days it’s all I can do to not cry. For no reason. It takes an extra effort on those days to not snap at my kids and at my husband. Thankfully those days are in the minority.

My friend, however, is fighting (and winning the battle against) Cancer. SHE is exhausted, and with good reason. She is finding it so hard to enjoy her kids right now. She is finding it very difficult to do all of the things that she used to enjoy on a regular basis. In fact, it’s a win for her if she gets off the couch, and she’s feeling guilty about all of the things that she’s NOT doing with her younger child that she did for the older one.

How do we enjoy life with our children when crap like this happens?

For me, I’m trying to find the balance between OCD Uptight Freak-Show and Lazy Lackadaisical Useless Parent. I’m trying to do more fun things with my kids without going overboard—we all need downtime, too.

For my friend, she needs to know that it’s okay for her to spend days on the couch. I’ve seen her on her bad days. She’s still there for her kids, no matter what, which is more than I can say for some healthy parents. She needs to know, too, that it’s okay to take a break from doing all of the things that she used to do (hobbies, crafts, etc.). She needs to know that it’s okay to sleep on someone else’s couch while visiting, because hey, who wouldn’t like to be able to do that? She has an end date for her chemo, so really, she needs to know that there will come a day when she’ll not only feel like, but will be able to do everything that she wants to do. She’ll be able to have more high-energy fun with her kids. For now, though? I’m sure that she has moments where she can find enjoyment with them, even if they’re little moments.

I think maybe I’ll (try to) conclude here (it’s late, I’m tired, and what was supposed to be a shorty has turned out to be a bit long—ramble much?) even if it feels a bit random.

“Enjoy life together.”

In my quest to do these 101 Things, I will try to enjoy them all. And, in doing everything else that I do with my children, and husband, I will try to enjoy them all, too. And, of course, I hope that my kids and my husband enjoy it all too.

I would like us all to be Happy most of the time while Enjoying the Fun things (with realistic expectations, of course) because even though we all have to do things that we don’t want to do at times, the fun should outweigh the miserable. Shouldn’t it?

I'd like it to.

 

How do you enjoy life with your children?