January: How to do better without the pressure of a New Year's Resolution Fest.

 What I learned about myself by not making any Resolutions, building habits instead, kick starting the year with a nutrition challenge, and doing less in my workouts (with bigger gains). And, my mantra for the year: "Just not all at once, and not right away."

I am part of Street Parking, an online fitness (programming) community that has its origins in the CrossFit world (at least, the founders do), but is not a CrossFit affiliate itself. It was designed as a program where if all you have is a pair of dumbbells and some determination, you can follow the program and get yourself fit. There are, of course, options for if you have more or all of the equipment, and options if you're pregnant/postnatal, or just starting out and not fit at all.

Their December mantra was Anti New Year, New Me:

In other words, don't wait for January to start your fitness journey; start / keep going in December. Build your consistency now. 

Of course, it's well past December. Did you make NY Resolutions, and now it's February, and you've already failed? Are you going to wait until next New Year? If you miss starting out in the first week of the month, are you going to wait until the next month starts? Spring? Summer? 

I hope not.

Just start now. If there's one thing I've learned over the years of trying to get fit, it's that I have to let go of my Calendar OCD. I don't have to start a yoga sequence at the beginning of a month, or on a Monday. I don't have to join a program/gym at the beginning of a year. Just start. Start where you are, and work towards your goal.

Street Parking (SP) hosted a Jump Start nutrition challenge for January.

Not going to lie, this felt a bit like a resolution thing, but it was more about learning about yourself and building consistent habits around nutrition.

Points were earned by:

• Hitting your nutrition goals each day. It didn't matter if you chose the 800g Challenge or Paleo etc.
• Drinking a set water target (of your choice).
• Walking 10 minutes/ day or reaching a step target each day.
• Starting each day with a protein and fruits or veggies at your first meal.
• Avoid Alcohol.
• Pay attention each day: 
• How was your sleep?
• How was your energy level?
• And each week, note what your biggest win and what your biggest obstacle was.

How I did on the Challenge:

I didn't choose a specific diet plan. I've been aiming for 800g of fruits and vegetables a day for quite some time now, and I've been trying to increase my protein consumption. But I didn't want to have to do it for a challenge. So I chose to log all food and beverages consumed in Cronometer because I hate logging my food, but I do so much better when I do. Sure, I still have the chocolate and the snacks, but not as much. Logging keeps me accountable, if you will. And after having to do it every single day for four weeks, I've learned that it really doesn't take that long to do (time yourself, you'll see).

Will I keep logging going forward? Yes. Forever? Hell no.

I hit my water target (80oz) every day, and while I thought I drank lots of water before, sometimes tea got in the way. And I do feel better (my bladder likes more water, too. Less UTI irritation). I can't promise myself that I'll do 80oz every day, but I think 2L is doable (64), so somewhere in between. I'm not going to log it, though.

I chose the walking 10 minutes per day option. My dog agreed that this was the good option.

I work a desk job, so hitting step targets over 6k is just so much pressure (but that 10 minute walk can get me over 6k every time), and my psyche can't handle the failure of not hitting 10k steps a day.

We often have protein (eggs and turkey bacon), and often a vegetable or fruit for breakfast, but I made sure that I had it every day, even on weekends when cereal is usually easier. Granola with yogurt and a banana works, though.

Avoiding alcohol was easy enough. Had the challenge been no honey in my tea, we would have had issues. Or no chocolate. That would not have gone over well.

One thing I learned about myself during this challenge was that reading before bed made me have a much better sleep than anything else. I mean sure, walking in -20° can make you sleepy, eating well calms you down, but reading an actual book just does something to my brain, and my sleep score improves every time. Unless it's a smut e-book.

Unrelated to the Jump Start challenge, I made a big decision about my workout plan.

If you look through all the tracks that SP has to offer, you can choose from the daily workouts, several different endurance programs, multitudes of strength programs, bodyweight programs, rucking, and recovery. You could do something every day, multiple times a day. Well, someone infinitely fitter and thirty years younger than I could.

Last Spring I found myself wanting to do it all. Program it all. 

I had to stand back and ask myself, why am I doing this in the first place? To keep up with my kids. Go hiking and biking and swimming with them. And I found myself giving it all in a few workouts a week to the point where I was wrecked on the weekend and couldn't do any of that.

So in late December I decided to back off.

I chose to do the Shift (easier) version of all the Vault workouts (the special Monday workouts that are super fun, but not easy, and if you do all 25 in a year, you get a badge) this year. I am making myself do the Shift version of the Vault this year, at least for the first time through (January - June). Even if I think I can scale the barbell version, I'm doing the Shift version. 

And you know what? It's still hard. But I'm not wrecked on a Monday.

Wednesdays for the first 12 weeks of the year, SP has decided to focus on Strength. I'm enjoying the Strength sessions. They work a lot of the body in 30 minutes, and again, I'm backing off on how hard I push myself through the workout, but in doing so I'm making bigger gains. I can't explain it. I'm not pushing myself to the point of not being able to move the next day, but each week I add a little more weight (if I feel like it), and I've improved so much in just one month. I'm not overloading my overhead movements--those gains take longer or I suffer with arms that fall asleep all night and all day. But I can shoulder-press two pounds more than I could last Fall.

The other days of the week are spent working on one or two of endurance, some Olympic lifts, swimming, stairs, and just getting out and doing things on the weekends.

It's all about building Habits.

My Perfectly OCD Calendar has all my Habit Curator bubbles filled in every day, and I hit 800g every day, and I eat enough protein every day, and I do yoga every day, and I do about five other things every day. And I'll paint my house this year.....

This whole challenge, my biggest wins have been sleeping better and having more energy, and my biggest obstacles have been my own desire to do it all now.

I did start January with the intention of doing yoga every day (mostly because my mobility is tanking), but so far that hasn't happened. And maybe it's the nightly walks, or that I've backed off on the intensity of my workouts a bit, or that I'm actually stretching a tiny bit after workouts, but I'm not as stiff as I usually am if I don't do yoga. 

Don't get me wrong. I still need to work on my mobility. But I can take it slower than every day. 

I've nailed the daily walk habit.

I am good with logging my food every day.

And even though I wasn't actively trying for it, I did reach 800g & protein macros almost every day by the end of the challenge.

I do want to work on Endurance every week. 

I want to hike etc. every week.

I want to paint my house this Spring, and garden this Summer.

But it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be consistent. And more than nothing. Go Big or Go Home is not going to work here. And you can't have it all, not right away.

And every time I think I'm failing because I'm not doing it all right now, I think of the scene in Supergirl where Cat Grant explains how she does do it all, and I think, this actually is the very best advice:

Kara Danvers : It was very hard. Really, really very hard.... I just don't know how you do it, Ms. Grant. I don't understand how you juggle it all.

Cat Grant : Oh, Kira, you have stumbled upon the most annoying question of the century, and you are so young that you do not even realize it. How do you juggle it all? You learn, that's how. You start with two balls before adding another. I figured out how to be brilliant in business, and then I added being a brilliant mother. Far too many women burn out trying to do too much before they're ready.

Kara Danvers : So you can have it all?

Cat Grant : Of course. Just not all at once, and not right away. And not with that hair. Use conditioner, for god's sake.

Planner Prompt Week 2025-02: Feel-good activities and rituals that take less than 10 minutes (Self Care)

List some 10 minute or less feel-good activities in your self-care menu. Categories are mind, body, and soul.

Naps. Short ones.

Slowly savouring a square of quality dark chocolate.

Listen to a song with my eyes closed. Warm Shadow by Fink or Afterglow by Ed Sheeran are the go-to's, but not the only ones.

Walk dog. Pet the dog. Pet the cat.

Yoga.

Give and receive hugs.

Massage my toes.

Wash my face.

Planner Prompt Week 53 - Dec 30-Jan 5: Reflect on the Last 12 Months

I am in love with Curation planners for reasons including the focus on the Self Care, the layouts, and the fact I have used it for two entire years (been a while since I've used one for an entire year through). At the end of each planner they have space for reflecting on your last 12 months.

What's super helpful is the Memory Bank. It's pretty helpful to look back at the year and know that you went to a movie with K2 in November. I know when I took my tree down last year (February); this year it's coming down today. I know when I went to the theatre or symphony, when I had UTI's, when I had coffee with friends.

The next section is the 2024 Reflection, and the prompts are: What are you most proud of? What brought you the most joy and fulfillment this year? If you could rewind the year, what advice would you give yourself? List your biggest insights and lessons. Reflect on how you spent your time and energy this year, what do you want to spend more and less time doing, and where do you want to focus your time and energy for 2025?

I am most proud of doing a CrossFit competition, and hiking a long & hard trail.

Camping, and spending time with family and friends brought me the most joy this year. Progress I made physically, and actually trying to write, gave me great fulfillment.

I don't have much for advice, except to take care of myself. 

I like myself more when I'm not unnecessarily lazy. I do need downtime, but I could watch less TV. Reading always feels like a guilty pleasure, but I'd feel less guilty reading all day than I would watching TV all day. Figure that one out. 

I spent less time on School PAC things, and I'm happier for it. I spent more time on me.

I want to spend my time and energy getting healthier, and working on the house that drives me crazy. I have wanted to repaint the interior for years. I've done some, but not all, and I hate the light-sucking mushroom colour that exists right now. We need to organize the laundry room, under the deck, and the shed so that everything in the house has a safe place to be. I don't need a show-home, but I'm getting tired of not being able to find things.

I want to spend more time with family and friends, most of all.

What about you?

Planner Prompt Week 42: Reflect on a time you were relaxed.

 This week's planner prompt is to reflect on a time that you truly felt relaxed and at peace. What contributed to that feeling? How can you bring that feeling into your everyday life?

Well, it was probably when I was well rested and had a massage and chiropractor visit on the same day. Any day where I don't have to clean the house. Days where I feel like I've accomplished my to-do list. Oh, I went for a hike last weekend, just me and my dog. No whining kids. No other people around. The first 3.5km were great. Quiet, peaceful. The last 2km I may have been a bit whiny (seriously, how many uphills can there possibly be at the end of a hike?), but the feeling of accomplishment afterwards was worth it.

Every day, though? I could see myself trying to check off more daily tasks. Not all of them, but pick one that will be satisfying to complete each day, even if it's just walking the dog. Maybe I'll put myself in a time-out for five minutes each day.

Or maybe I'll just take a moment to sit in the car for a minute before driving (it is warm-up-the-car weather right now), and eat a chocolate that no one knows about.

Timed Entries

I never have time to write, so therefore never have time to blog. 

Due to unforeseen circumstances and a rare avoidance of going back to bed for an hour, I have time this morning. I washed up, got 1/4 dressed, and climbed back in bed but with my laptop and a cup of tea, all because I thought, maybe I'll read. 

Which led to the thought, maybe I should write. It is Wednesday Writer's Workshop day after all. Writing takes me forever, so then I thought, well, we could set a timer. And if the timer goes off before the story is done? Then that's where it ends, my friends. And that's where it gets published.

So, with twenty-two minutes left on the clock, here I am, sipping my tea and coming up with a plan. I think all WWW (Wednesday Writer's Workshop) entries will be timed from now on. They could get five minutes, and they might get forty. Depends on the day.

I will do the same for other entries too, but some entries will have the luxury of not being published until they're done (multiple timed sessions). A huge block for me has been time, and the perceived absence of it. I need to let go of the idea that if I don't have an hour or two, then I don't have time to write. Micro sessions. Set the habit. At least I'll be writing. 

I'll label them appropriately. If I have the time...

I'm going to head into the land of Drafts. There's something about an Astronaut sitting in there. Maybe I'll finish the story, and maybe I won't. But it will get published at the zero mark. Thirteen minutes left.

Planner Prompt 2024 Week 9: Time Buffers

This week's planner prompt, which I've just now read, is to give yourself a time buffer to minimize stress: give yourself an extra 10 minutes to get to all your appointments.

This week has been exceedingly blah. Maybe because it was the last week I could go to the gym, or maybe it was because I'm fighting off whatever Spawn2 has right now. I thankfully didn't have many appointments this week. But I did make it on time to the one I did have despite the horrendous road conditions.

As a child I remember my mom drilling in to me that you always left the house a half hour before any appointment, which as a kid always feels super early. We were never late for anything. 

What I didn't connect at the time is that we lived a good 15-20 minutes out of town, so the half hour was necessary. And parking downtown wasn't as big a deal back then. I think.

We had family friends who were consistently an hour late for everything. One time Mom planned having them over for dinner, told them it was for 5pm, and planned it for 6pm so that the food wasn't ruined. Family friend was so mad. 

In my twenties I had a friend who was late for everything. I experienced so much anxiety when I was with her and we had somewhere to be.

Then I had kids. Sometimes lateness just happens when you have kids. And it still gives me huge anxiety to this day.

I've gotten better at planning exit strategies. If we need to be downtown at 4pm, it's 10-20 minutes to get there depending on time of day and weather, then 10-30 minutes to find parking, then 1-10 minutes to walk to where you need to go, so we need to leave either an hour ahead of time, or at 3:45 and drive like a mad woman.

And then if you're on time for the appointment and it's for the doctor or chiropractor, you could be waiting for another 10-120 minutes, so bring a book. And I feel like my chiropractor sees patients in the order that they arrive regardless of appointment time, so if I'm on my lunch and plan accordingly and arrive right on time but the guy whose appointment is after mine arrived first he goes first and so then my lunch hour is over and I'm still waiting. 

It is so much more relaxing to get somewhere on time, with a few minutes to breath. Or read. Or nap. Sometimes I even close my eyes for five minutes when I get to work.

Next year both my kids go to the same school, and I can drop them off early enough that I would start work at 8am like a normal person (vs. 9am due to current drop-offs), meaning my work day would end at 5pm vs 6pm. 

Walking it backwards, though, means leaving the house a good ten minutes earlier than we do, and I think that that puts us in a heavier traffic pattern, so more like fifteen minutes earlier, so then I have to weigh the anxiety of trying to get out the door so early vs. maybe starting at 8:15.

How early, or late, are you?

Planner Prompt 2024 Week 8: Reflect on How You Want to Live Each Day

 This is the week that we journal our intentions for the year ahead.

I'm caught up to the weekly prompts. I've blogged more than once in a month. Or year. As intended. Now I just have to maintain that.

How do I want to live each day?

If I'm going to be honest, like my cousin. Let's call her Pippi.

Now, I don't mean that I want to be Pippi, or live exactly like Pippi, but she is an inspiration for sure.

She gets a lot done. Like, a LOT. I know that she's genius level at everything that she does, and she always has been, and there have been times in my youth where I've felt less than when I'm with her, but it's never been because of anything she's said or done. She's never judged me.

I've judged me. I've compared me. I'm the only one who's found myself lacking.

What is it that I judge about myself?

There are so many things that I want to do, but don't. And I can fall into pits of self-loathing about it. 

I think, am I just lazy? Mentally unable to do? Am I really that exhausted, or am I just grasping onto excuses?

I want to write. Get into better shape. Eat better. Crochet. Go hiking more. Go camping more. Garden. Be efficient. Keep a cleaner house. Prepare for my work weeks better. Meal plan more. Be more crafty. Paint my house. Organize my house.

Etc., etc.

That's a lot. And it's so overwhelming that I just don't do it.

So how does Pippi do it all?

She just does it.

I had the opportunity to stay with her last year for a week. 

And she is busy, but not frantic or stressed about it.

She's actually very relaxed. All her movements, in everything she does, is relaxed and calm. But she just does it. And gets it done.

And the secret? 

She doesn't watch a lot of TV, and she's not on social media a lot.

The big take-away: 

Stop procrastinating.

If I want to live my life every day, I need to stay off social media (not usually an issue at all, but sometimes I get stuck in Reelsville and can't get out). Mostly, I need to watch less TV. That is my biggest time killer.

I don't feel the need to knock projects out every day, but I do think that I can pick one small thing, whether it's a task on it's own, or a small part of a bigger project.

I want to enjoy more life, live more life, and relax about it.

Planner Prompt 2024 Week 6: Build a Habit

 Commit to building one small habit that will support your goals and intentions this year.

This week (which was Feb 5-11) Saint Belford prompted us to use the Habit Curator and daily habit tracker to assist in this goal.

It was supposed to be a small habit, which for me would have been walking the dog every day, or doing yoga every day. 

My dog actually helps with the walking habit. She works me hard when I get home from work. Stares at me imploringly. Gets excited when I so much as look at the stairs to the front door. Gives me her toys. Playing with her in the back yard, or getting the kiddos to walk her is not nearly good enough.

I would love to make blogging every day, or a few times a week, even, a habit, but we can all see how that one's going.

What I do feel like I'm nailing down is the #800g Challenge, which is not necessarily a small habit, and takes up a lot of the Personal Planner / Tracker section. 

Baby steps. One habit at a time.

And that is the point.

Planner Prompt 2024 Week 5: Sign up for a trial class or activity

 This week's Curation Weekly Self-Care prompt is to sign up for a trial class or activity that you've always wanted to try.

There are no creative writing classes, nor any groups, in my area. 

Pottery would be cool, but I can't afford it, or the classes are all full. 

I also did the opposite: I unsigned up from my CrossFit gym, mostly due to cost. So, maybe down the road I can afford to try the pottery.

I also want to learn how to knit, and I think the library has a free group. 

This one feels like a later thing, for sure, so I'm taking the pressure off myself, and that is also self-care.

Planner Prompt 2024 Week 3 - Create a Physical Vision Board of your 2024 Goals and Intentions

 They must still have newspapers in Australia.

This week's task (I know, I'm late. I was sick) is to use cutouts from magazines and newspapers to create a physical vision board of my goals and intentions for the year.

I do love this section of the Planner.

You get to jot down your desires, changes you want to make, how you want to live and feel every day, achievements you want to make, and whatever else you want to manifest for the year.

On the next page you group them into four categories (of your choosing).

My categories this year are:

Family and Friends. I want more (board) game nights, impromptu outings (bowling, beaches, hikes), and weekend camping trips. I want to write actual letters to friends, and make photo books of our adventures and life. I want to make my dog's life less boring (for her).

Health and Fitness. I'm all in for the #800g Challenge this year. Lazy Macros are next. I want to keep going with the CrossFit, swim more, hike more, and do more yoga (you do not get bendier with age if you don't try).

Home Life. Gardening - I have some hardscaping projects to do so that I can grow more vegetables. I have to somehow convince my husband that the deck is the best place for growing food. So maybe we build a ground-level patio for the table?

I want to paint the walls inside my house. Light-sucking mushroom is not a happy colour. While I'm at it, a good Spring Clean and Purge would be nice.

Writing. I want to read more I want to find a creative writing group. I want to write more. Even if it is just this blog. Building habits.

The goal is a novel.

The Vision Board:

I don't have the money to purchase magazines for the sole purpose of cutting them up, and I'm pretty sure the library would complain if theirs were missing pictures. And do we even have a newspaper anymore?

So I made a Pinterest board with pictures representing all of the above. Then I tried to organize it and managed to delete a bunch of it. 

That, my friends, is as artistically creative as I get.

Planner Prompt 2024 Week 2 - Pick a New Self-Care Activity to Try This Week

When you go to saintbelford.com.au/selfcare to pick a new self-care activity to try, you land on a very lengthy PDF full of suggestions for your Mind, Body, & Soul, complete with links to their resources. 
I picked Practice Saying No to Things that Don't Serve You.

I'm not sure how old this PDF is, but the links for this topic land on the main pages of the sites and I couldn't find the specific blog posts / podcasts.

What I did find, though, was a podcast on Spotify: Lori Wheeler's Positivity Xperience, and the July/23 episode Unlocking Happiness: Prioritize Saying No to Others and YES to You!

I come from a very society-minded background, and serving others and being mindful of the community is a big deal on Mom's side of the family, so even though I like doing things for myself despite all that, at first I found Lori to be swinging a bit to the selfish side of things, even in other podcasts. She does eventually say that she's not saying to be selfish, but that you need to take care of yourself so that you are able to take care of others. I know at least two people who are taking care of others who are not a beneficial relationship partner, without taking care of themselves. Their lives are somewhat to completely bound to this person, and they're getting nothing but duty out of it. Duty with no reward.

One of the risks of telling people no, especially if you never do, is that they get very put out and offended that they are no longer your #1 priority. Even though Mom says that she expects to go in to a home at some point, she may also be expecting daily visits.

I love spending time with Mom, and I love my alone time, and I love my family time. So finding a balance for all of that is key. Me first, without being a selfish twat.

Overall I found the podcast affirming how I've been feeling lately. I have been wanting to let go of a couple current responsibilities to make room for new things (like blogging more than once a year), so that's in the works.

This coming week's self-care tip is: Use magazine and newspaper cutouts to create a physical vision board of your 2024 goals and intentions.

Planner Prompt 2024 Week 1 - Create Your 2024 Bucket List

This week's prompt (posting this at the end of the week counts, right?) is Create your 2024 Bucket List.

(I have found bliss in St. Belford's Curation, the best planner ever (for me, anyway), and they have weekly prompts for things to do that are good for you.)

My bucket list for this year includes:

Snowshoe a popular winter trail that ends at a spring that never freezes.

Go camping more. 

Go kayak-camping.

Cross-country ski more.

Compete in a CrossFit competition.

Stand up on a paddleboard. And not promptly fall off.

Do the Adventure Challenge book (Family Edition) that we got last year and haven't even opened and do I even know where it is?

What's on your bucket list this year?

The Best Planner Ever - Curation by St. Belford

I have found it. The very best planner. Ever. One that I actually used all year last year, and liked so much that I pre-ordered one. They're not cheap, and this year I splurged on the tabs and more stickers (because you can never have enough stickers), so it was my Christmas gift from Santa. 

It focuses on Self Care, which is excellent, and St. Belford even provides lovely podcasts supporting your self-care.

The Sections:

1. Self-Care Menu: what can you do for 10/30/60 minutes for your mind/body/soul?

2. Bucket List for the year: what fun, satisfying adventures do you want to have?

3. Set your Intentions for the year: how do you want to live your life? What do you want to change, achieve, do?

4. The next section is hefty: Missions: what do you want to accomplish this year? And you don't just write "Paint my house". You also give yourself a target date, tell yourself Why you want to do it, Overcome your fears about doing it, lay out the (manageable) Steps with their individual target dates, note your Milestones, your Rewards upon completion, and you even get a lovely Progress Bar that you can decorate to your heart's desire. It's like a big Project Plan on a two-page spread, in your planner, not in a separate notebook. Awesome.

5. Less daunting is the Habit Curator: What habits do you want to incorporate into your life? What are their benefits, the steps to doing the habit, the cues that help trigger you to do it, and a checklist for starting it. In other words, I'm not just listing my habits, I'm setting myself up for success in doing them.

6. Savings Curator: What are you saving for, how can you re-budget or make more money to do so? This section also includes monthly Income and Expenses tables.

7. The Monthly section: All the monthly spreads are in one section, so you can plan your monthly items, write in all your birthdays, see what's going on in your schedule at a glance instead of flipping through pages to find the next month. It should also be noted that every day is a full square. None of those useless diagonal half-squares!

8. Then, and this is the best, the Weekly Spreads: Each week gets two full two-page spreads. 

Pre-Week Planner: The whole month is laid out at the top, and the week you're in is bolded. There is a Gratitude Reflection for the week, a Drawing Board (your mini bullet journal for the week, or for whatever), your week's Priorities / Mission Progress, and a Personal Planner / Tracker (meal planning, workouts, moods, whatever you want). At the very bottom is a prompt for the week - something that will make you feel good.

Weekly Spread: Every day has it's own full block, and each block has an appointment/task section, a checklist section, and a Self-Care line. The spread also includes a space for reminders or notes, and the Habit Tracker for the week.

9. One of the last, and also best, sections, is the Memories section:

Yearly Memory Bank. It's where you write down all the things that you want to remember, like when did you have coffee with that random friend, when and where was your vacation, when did your car go in for service, etc. It has 54 spaces for the things that you don't want to shuffle back through the whole book to find, and it's great. 

Yearly Reflections: prompts help you look back at your year; who/what made you happy/unhappy, and what can you change to make next year better?

10. At the very end are plain lined note pages. Not a lot, but they get the job done. And, new this year is next year's calendar.

That all sounds like a lot.

But the very best part is that St Belford themselves give you permission to not use all the spaces, do all the things, and they even tell you to give yourself permission to not accomplish all the missions etc. that you've set out for yourself. Life happens, and your self-care and mental health are more important than checking all the boxes and doing all the tasks and meeting all the target dates.

I certainly did not do all the things and meet all the dates. Not one of my missions made it off the page last year. I only have one or two habits that I manage to do 50% of the time. I didn't do everything on my Bucket List. And I'm okay with that because I can see what I have accomplished in my general life. Because it was actually a lot.

I finally finished crocheting a dishcloth that I've been working on for a couple of years. Now I want to crochet more.

I exercised a lot more and ate more vegetables this year. I prepped better lunches for work, more often, this year.

I was a better President for a Group this year.

I was less hard on myself for not getting things done this year. And this, right here, is motivation to do even just one more thing this year. And to be okay with not doing it, if it's too much.

Saint Belford Planner - Short and Sweet Review

 I cannot state how much I love this planner enough!

It focuses on your health and well-being while allowing so much space for actual appointments and tasks and planning, and it's September and I'm still using it.

And maybe I'm not using it to its fullest potential, but I'm getting there, but not using it to its fullest is even okay with the creators because they're all about taking care of you and you don't need to stress yourself out by filling your planner completely.

I love it so much that I signed up for the VIP access, ordered 2024's already, and it's still in it's packaging because I'm being a good girl and it's a Christmas present for me but I soooooooooo very much want to open it now!

Saturday Ski

 Cross-Country skiing is great. Until you need to slow down or stop.

Took a new trail yesterday, and on the map the trail is green. IE, easy, gentle slopes if there are any. 

I did okay. Enjoyed it even.

Got to the last loop of the trail. Bit of a hill. Okay, I've done green hills before. No problems. I don't need to take the little connector to the flat trail I've taken before, I tell myself. Down I go, and all is going well until the left ski left the track and wouldn't come back in and I had to bail. On my face. Good times. 

I get back up with a bit of assistance from someone who has probably been skiing since the beginning of time. I didn't even have to take my skis off! Win for me. 

"Oh," she says. "There is a bit of a divot there," and points up the trail a bit.

"Yeah, that was me. That's where I fell." Apologies to everyone else who had to ski that afterwards.

I continue on. The next hill looks just as intimidating. I follow some other newbies across a gap to a nicer looking trail. Fall on my ass stepping down onto the main trail. 

I make it to the top of the hill just above the lodge, and even though I know it's okay to ski down (I've done it before, even), I calmly ski into the upper parking lot, remove my skis, and take the stairs.

I log into my fitness app and have a look at my ski. I compare its map to the Ski Trails map. I look a little closer.

The last part of the loop is blue, with yellow high-lighting to show that it's lit up at night. And that looks green. Definitely is not green, though.

Mommy's Zen 2020-03-something

Usually I only fill that with wine to the bottom of JUICE. Maybe the top of JUICE on a bad day.

Tonight it was full.

I'm not sure that I will leave the tub in a graceful manner.

I know that I will not leave the tub on a graceful manner.

I'll be lucky to make it to the bedroom without embarrassing myself.

EDIT to add:

Omigod I just sat up to scrub the pits. Never mind getting to the bedroom. At all, embarrassment or no.

I'm going to be lucky to get out of the tub. At. All.

Contemplating sleeping in it. Will have to warm the water shortly.

Hubby will be up soon for his midnight shift. Might be safer to wait.

The Benefits of a Good Poop

A friend of mine recently got married. She was pretty mellow throughout the whole lead-up with one minor Bridezilla moment.

All the girls in the wedding party were sitting around tearing apart off-the-shelf bouquets to rebuild into works of art. A couple people kept coming downstairs to ask the bride-to-be a million questions. It was actually only a couple of questions, but apparently it was still annoying to the nth degree.

We were actually thinking that perhaps a reality TV crew would be popping their heads out from around the corner at any moment, when BTB says, "I have to go poop. Be right back."

Maybe it was the discomfort that was making her crazy, and maybe it was the poop that wasn't allowing the caffeine in the coffee to be absorbed, but whatever it was, when she got back, she was happy and alert. And once again mellow.

So, if someone's ever suddenly really bitchy and uncomfortable-looking, they may just have to poop.

When All You Need Is Some Chocolate

The other day was one of those long, difficult and confusing days that only year end/tax season can give you. The kind of day where you're already trying to not cry because of some family drama (over a cat of all things), and by the end of your workday - for your day job - you're going to have three hours of extra bookkeeping to do at some point tonight - you're feeling like you've been through only the first of several wringers in a commercial laundromat.

So when Hubby called to request that I stop on the way home to get cream for the coffee, and some munchies for the game, and suggested that I get a treat for myself, I thought, ooh. Lindor chocolate.

I stopped at this Save-On Foods on the way home. Don't be fooled by the misnomer, by the way. I picked up the cream and some potato chips, and I wandered around until I finally found the bulk bins that house the Lindts. It took a while because I had to go through the book aisle to find them. Poor me.

The dark chocolate balls were on sale (exciting!) and there was a NEW flavour, citrus, which sounded tantalizing. The citrus balls were not on sale, so being the honest soul that I am, I wrote down the bin numbers for both chocolates.

I made my way to the express till, the line up for which was only slightly less long than those of the other ten tills that were open. Which is all of them. Every single till was open, and they were all at least five people deep.

And, I got the new girl.

Usually this isn't a problem. Usually.

Since the chocolates were the most important purchase, they were the first on the belt. I dutifully informed the cashier that one number was for the dark chocolates and that the other was for the citrus. She put the two dark balls on the scale and punched in the SKU. Then she punched in the SKU again. She was reaching for the one citrus ball when I pointed out that she'd just charged me twice for the dark balls. It even displayed so on the till screen.

"But there are two," she said with a perplexed look on her face.

"They're sold by weight, not by each," I replied. "And you just sold them to me twice."

The look of confusion only increased as she looked at the screen, and read back to me the per gram amount as if it were the amount I were going to pay. "See," she said. "It's only that much, and there are two."

At this point I realized three things:

1. She did not understand the difference between sold by weight and sold by each, nor that if it was by each, she wouldn't have had to put them on the scale.
2. She didn't even know how to read her till.
3. I was not in the right frame of mind to try to explain any of these concepts to her in such a way that would a) teach her b) without making her feel like a useless idiot. I wasn't even in the mood to bring over a supervisor and hold up a long line of tired looking folks just so I could have a fucking chocolate.

"Take them off," I said.

She looked perplexed again. "Just take them both off."

She did, and she managed to scan everything else in without too much trouble, and I know what you're thinking: so you had to pay for some chocolate twice! How much difference could it really be? Buddy, Lindt isn't cheap shit. It makes a huge difference!

Anyway, on my way out I thought I'd stop by the service counter and say, "Hey, so, some training for your tellers before you throw them to the wolves by themselves on an express till at the just-got-off-work rush would probably be cool." But the line up there was even longer.

So I left and walked out to the car, and just as I was starting it Hubby phoned to see if I was okay (because I was taking so long. Stupid book aisle). I said yeah.

"Are you crying?" he asked.

"I needed some chocolate," I said. "And I didn't get any."

I then related the whole story.

"Just come home and have some supper," he said.

So I did. And afterwards he went online to fill in the customer satisfaction survey, which was requested at the bottom of my receipt by the way. I eventually got an automatically generated "we'll get in touch with you" emails. I'm still waiting. . .

Swimming with Little Old Ladies

Last week I was able to go swimming at the public pool before work. As in, Hubby had the day off, so I didn't have to take the kids to daycare, so I could have slept in, but instead I chose--chose--to be at the pool at 6:15 a.m. On purpose.

There are three four types of people who are at the pool at opening time, and they can easily be identified by the lane or zone of the pool in which they congregate.

1. Dedicated, fit, "Advanced" swimmers who are able to swim an Olympic length over and over and over again without ever looking like it's an effort. These people are actually in the minority, and their zone is the Advanced swimming lane. That's not my group.

2. The Aqua-Fitters. These ladies are rocking the leisure pool with excellent coordination and range of motion, and they never look like they're going to expire at any moment. This isn't my group.

3. The "Intermediate" swimmers. The Advanced swimmers are way too fast, and the Leisure swimmers are way too slow. The Intermediate swimmers set a nice pace that is nothing too strenuous, but at the same time isn't a Sunday Drive. There may be a rest at the end of every lap or two, but the pace is steady and true. I thought this was my group. I was very, very, wrong.

4. The "Leisure" swimmers. These sharks little old ladies--and when I write little old lady, you should be reading Driving Miss Daisy--look like they are out for a Sunday Drive. No, really. They bob along the Olympic length of the pool doing something that is a cross between the doggy paddle and treading water. They are, in fact, quite literally treading water in an upright position, but their arms are paddling just enough that they are actually moving forward. This should be my group.

I walked to the lap pool, looked at the Leisure Lane, saw the bobbing, and thought to myself, too slow. I'll be mowing those poor women down.

Okay, maybe a little back story is in order: I remember being an awesome swimmer. I couldn't run to save my life, Sports Day at school was an embarrassing form of torture, I could maybe fake one push-up if I was on my knees, but put me in a pool and my weak little arms could pull me along faster than all the fit kids could swim. Swimming was easy.

So, I'm thinking, at this point, that just because a (tiny) broken bone in the bottom of my foot has kept me essentially immobile for the last two years, swimming should still be easy. I should be able to do a few front-crawling laps in the Intermediate Lane no problem.

I was wrong. I was wrong like a four-year-old is wrong when he thinks it's okay to teach his younger brother that it's okay to flush toilet paper rolls down the toilet (full or empty--either way). I was wrong like the Church was wrong when it excommunicated people for thinking that the Earth was round.

I was wrong like a fat, 40 year old woman who had two kids in her late thirties and whose life just kept getting more and more sedentary for various reasons is wrong when she thinks, hey, I used to ride my bike to the recreation centre, work out in the gym for an hour, then swim a few laps, then ride my bike home to do yoga on the lawn for half an hour or so, then maybe go horseback riding for a few hours, so how hard can this be?

I front-crawled for half a lap before my brain realized that I may actually drown in this really freaking big pool. There's a bit of a feeling of safety when your laps aren't Olympic length. When they are, and the "shallow" end is still over your head? The edges are so very far away. I had to back-stroke for most of my swim just so that I could breath!

I did manage two full laps (one lap being there-and-back), but I'm pretty sure that the little old ladies out-lapped me. The old men in my lane most certainly did.

I'm going again this week.

Learned Behaviour

Once upon a time I had a friend who told me that I was passive aggressive. I asked her what that meant because I honestly had absolutely no idea. She wouldn't tell me. I was supposed to figure it out for myself, or something. I don't think that that tactic worked out in her favour.

It was a while before I remembered to look it up, and even when I did, I could never completely understand it. I certainly had no idea how to fix it. I didn't even know what behaviour of mine could be considered to be passive aggressive.

Looking back on the friendship now, I can see how my lack of assertiveness skills when trying to effectively stand up to the Queen of I Must Have My Way Or I Will Get Super Angry With You would make me feel like a failure every time, which in turn would frustrate me to the point of total exasperation with the situation, which then would, most likely, lead to passive aggressive behaviour on my part.

A few years and a failed friendship later, I've been trying to be a better communicator. It's been really hard.

Why?

Because I'm a whiny little bitch.

As in, I cry if anyone gets upset with me in the slightest. That tends to make assertive communication a little difficult. This in turn makes me look passive aggressive. It's difficult to speak when you're crying, so the only way left to communicate is physically, and that can definitely come across as passive aggressive. It's amazing how much frustration can come across as anger.

And, I'm a bit of a ticking clock. You know, everything is fine, even when it's not, but no biggie. Until I get too tired to hold it all in.

I often wondered why I was, and still am, this way. Was I just too shy as a child to learn how to stand up for myself/my wants/needs effectively? Did decades of being told to ignore my younger brother when he teased/tormented me instead of learning how to "use my words" leave me with absolutely zero skills? Or, did I somehow learn this behaviour?

It's probably a combination of all three, but I definitely know where I learned the behaviour. And, it only took sharing a house with my mother again to see it.

Now, don't get me wrong--I love my mother very much, and nothing said here negates that. It's just, well, holy fuck.

How is it that someone with tons of training and experience in the fields of effective communication and assertiveness skills, and who often regales us with stories about how wonderfully she asserted herself at work can come home and very clearly communicate that she's upset about something (most likely the imperfect state of the house, or that it's 8pm and the kids are still up, or that she caught a cold. From the kids) by scrubbing the shit out I of something that's not even dirty and slamming cupboard doors, all with a sour look on her face, but never tell us what is bothering her and denying it if you ask her outright?

If anyone else acted like that, the judgment and the admonishment would rain down.

I now know exactly where i learned to deal with frustration. And holy fuck, do I ever need to change!

The first step is admitting that I have a problem.

Now I just need to learn how to say what needs to be said to be assertive.

But maybe I need to learn ho to not cry at the drop of a hat, first.