Book Club: July

I have a Jack Reacher book finished, and I really should try and get a review done for Lindsay Buroker's Emporer's Edge series. EE cannot be a BMBR, but it might have to be. I'm also going to try and start reading something off the piano--ooh ooh! I need to start the Hunger Games' books that I borrowed from my neice; she probably wants them back ;).

So, those are the books on the plate for July if you'd care to join me.

BMBR (Smut Week): Surrender part 3: Juliana Stone's Offside

Girl goes to Sweden to play hockey, girl gets concussion, girl gets sent home, girl runs into guy that she lost her virginity to as a teen, guy starts falling for her, but he's feeling guilty because he thinks that he'd slept with her sister all those years ago (triplets--what do you do?).

This one was more of a novel length, which was kind of cool in a free book of six stories. I also contemplated for a looooong time about buying the other three books. I didn't, and I can't remember why.

Bottom line: it's well-enough written that they'd be worth the three bucks or so, so I was probably just trying to be a good girl. But I don't remember having a burning desire to get them. Maybe I'll see if the library has them.

BMBR (Smut Week): Dane by Liliana Hart (Surrender part 2)

Meh.

It was hot, but I found the whole Dane-left-town-ten-years-ago-and-returns-home-to-find-his-ex-with-a-nine-year-old-and-within-one-day-she-takes-him-back-forever thing a little bit unbelievable.

I would've been more pissed. Maybe made him wait at least a week.

BMBR (Smut Week): Surrender: Part 1: The Awakening by Erika Wilde

Holy Fucking Hot.

In volume 1 of The Marriage Diaries, empty-nester Jillian wants to spice things up with her ex-Navy SEAL, Dean. He's always been a little too considerate in the bedroom. She's tired of Vanilla, thank you very much. So she encourages him to act out their wildest fantasies. It's a little Fifty Shades but with a mature-relationship thing that totally works because the trust and love are already there. There's the visit-to-his-office scene, the bondage-in-the-living-room-with-his-tie-and-belt scene, an in-public scene, lots of teasing, and eventually she builds them a playroom in the basement.

There's just enough plot to move things along from one "scene" to the next, but maybe a bit too much self-reassurance (but that could be in one of the other six...), but the frank speech and hot sex more than make up for it.

I went and spent four bucks for the "boxed set" of the first 4 volumes. (It was still cheaper than 1.50 each for #'s 2-4.)

May I say again, Holy.Fucking.Hot. Some of the best foreplay ever. As in, it doesn't matter how tired I am, even just scrolling through bits of the first scene to remind myself of who the players are, I want to go jump my husband. Like right now.

BMBR (Smut Week): Surrender: 6 sizzling authors. Six ways to surrender. Part Prologue.

I was trolling for free books on Amazon (for Kindle), and I came across this little box of six sexy stories by six different authors. Some are sexier than others, all were decently written, and two led me on to more books by the same author. And I gladly paid for those other books. And my husband really didn't mind.

Since I'm too busy to go for all six here at once, I'm going to tackle them one at a time. Next post...

BMBR (Smut Week): M.S. Parker's Club Prive Series.

I'm on my phone and don't know how to put the accent on the 'e' so just pretend that it's there.

Super quick to the bottom line: even at a buck an ebook, book number 4 in this hot-chick-with-low-self-esteem-meets-super-rich-playboy-who-doesn't-know-what-it-is-about-her series didn't make it past Sample Land. I think 1-3 only made it because I kept hoping that it would get better, but the erotica couldn't out maneuver the blah.

BMBR (Smut Week): Rachel Van Dyken

This week, and oh how I'm going to try to do a review a day, is all about Smut. Or, what I like to call foreplay. If it kills brain cells, reads like an eight grader who's failing her English class wrote it (see last post), or makes me groan (and not in a good way), it's not good Smut. If it's well written (but not over-written for it's genre), has some great tips that would make "Cosmo" blush, and makes me want to jump my husband at any point while I'm reading it, it's good Smut.

Here we go.

If it weren't for the fact that I inadvertently started with the third book in Rachel Van Dyken's Eagle Elite series (Elite, Elect, and Entice--I think that's the order) and so ended up paying for it and the first one, and therefore felt like I had to keep reading, Elite probably wouldn't have made it past the Sample Stage (these are on my Kindle).

All of these books are somewhat rife with (minor) grammatical errors and some continuity issues, both of which usually kill a book for me, now matter what the story is about.

And yet, I fucking devoured them. As in, I couldn't put them down. I was a bad, bad girl at work.

And, oh my goodness, as I was reading them I realized that they followed Jennifer Crusie's Sex Scene Rules. That's right, the sex scenes were pretty much only descriptive when they meant some sort of character or relationship development. At all other times they were implied. The former happened more than the latter, but hey, who am I to complain.

Holy shit. I did not see that coming. Not only did I not see it coming, I didn't see it when it jumped in front of me, waved its arms, and yelled "Ooga Booga!" really loudly. I didn't see it until the third book. Probably because I thought I was reading Erotica more than I was reading Romance. Turns out, it was Erotic Romance. And then when I saw it, I was stunned. I thought I was stupid. But then I just realized that I was distracted. By all the great sex (and not just in the book). And the story, actually. Which, weirdly enough, was written in such a way that even when there wasn't sex, it turned me on. As in, I was already good to go when I jumped my husband, and that happened often enough that I know that he won't mind my buying the next installment.

So yes, they are worth the 3-5 bucks per e-book.

BMBR: The Elusive and Exclusive Billionaire's Club by Bella Bentley

I was trolling for free books on Kindle the other night, and I came upon this wonderful example that proves two things:

1. Thanks to e-publishing, anyone, and I mean anyone, can publish a book these days, especially if there's a suggestion of sex inside.

2. You can't lose any brain cells when you read a book that sounds like an eighth-grader (who's failing her English class, by the way) writing porn. Your brain cells check out on the first page as a preservation tactic.

Only the first "book", which is so short, charging more than 0.00 would be a freaking crime, is free. You can read the descriptions of the other, not-so-free, and probably just as short, books to figure out what happens in the rest of the story. They're better written.

This, my friends, is a book that you can judge by it's cover.

Random Thoughts 2014-06-15

We were all in the car the other day, and we missed turning at a light because the guy in front of us took for freaking ever to check out the traffic situation before he left the line (it was good for the full 60 seconds it took him to make a decision). Hubby, who was driving, said something, or made some kind of noise.

K1: What, Daddy?
Daddy: Some people don't know how to drive.
K1: Why do some people don't know how to drive?
D: Because they didn't have Daddy to teach them.
K1: Oh. Did they only have Mommies to teach them?

Yep. Of course, this mommy taught daddy to drive, so, yeah.

I've become that person. The person who needs a cup (or two) of coffee in the morning, or she's a real meanie. It's half decaf, and half full-caf, which makes it like Half Ass, but since that's too expensive, I mix it myself.

I'm being micro-managed. By a close relative. I feel like I'm fourteen and I haven't done my chores, or something. Bad Spinny. But I'm not. Fourteen. I'm almost forty. Don't tell anyone. Does that mean that I'm being micromanaged because I'm being seen as a bad parent? Or housewife? Maybe I need to have a conversation.

I need to have a conversation with someone about my broken foot. It's getting pretty annoying. I might start using crutches again. Not at home, though. Too hard. You put one down on a Hot Wheel, and you might as well order up a wheelchair. Maybe I need something that I can strap to my knee, like a pirate peg-leg, and use that (with the rest of my leg still attached but hanging out behind) to hobble around on. Yo ho ho.

It's Father's Day today. I made waffles. That's usually Hubby's job. Oh, yeah, I still have to freeze the leftovers. His are better.

So, we're getting in the car to come home today, and K1 finds out that I'm driving.

K1: I want Daddy to drive.
Me: Why?
K1: He's a better driver.
Me: Oh? How come?
K1: His waffles are better.

I can't really argue with that logic. I'm laughing too hard.

Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters

I don't know yet, but I'm about to find out. Reading the book by the same title by Alan S. Miller and Satoshi Kanazawa. It's non-fiction, by the way.

Update: a month after I wrote the above paragraph: I might have to go back and start the book over because I've been a little distracted by the latest Jack Reacher book (spoiler alert--he might be a dad!).

WBPHMD isn't really a candidate for a BMBR type review, either. It's too cool. What I remember of it.

So, probably sometime this week I'll start reading it again, and I'll write a blurb per chapter. To make this go along a little faster than the frequency with which I get to shave my legs (it still hasn't happened, by the way), it would be wonderful if some one would read this book along with me, and get in on the discussion.

Motivation, my friends, motivation.

101 Things to do for Kids: #44--Talk about Food

44. When food shopping, talk to your child about what you see -- from kumquats to lobsters. Talk about where food items come from. Talk about the people who help us by growing, picking, transporting, and displaying food.

We rock on this one.  K1 (who is four) helps me bake all the time, and he knows the difference between baking soda and baking powder. My kids have eaten tamarinds. They aren't for the faint of heart. We even planted some potatoes (K1 bought one from the plant store--totally his idea!). They were then promptly dug up a couple days later so that he could see if they had grown any bigger.

Ha ha. Potatoes. That reminds me of the time that I went to a conference regarding GMO foods, and a health-food-store owner told a story about a woman who walked into the store, took one look at the bin of dirty potatoes (he'd heard that they keep better if you leave some of the dirt on them), and started chewing out the staff; how dare they be so horrible as to let the potatoes get dirty!

Um, yeah, potatoes grow in the ground. In. Under. As in, you have to dig them up and wash them in order for them not to be dirty. Onions, beets, and carrots are like that, too, by the way. Tamarinds grow on trees. Or at least, they do in the picture on the box that they came in.

Anyway, now I'm reminded of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. I watched the episode from the UK; one girl could identify a few of the vegetables, but most of the kids could only tell you the colour. That is kind of sad.

(I was talking about this with a coworker, and she told me of the time that some British exchange students were billeted at her house for a weeknight; they had their usual meal of meat, potatoes, and vegetables. The girls were mortified that the family had gone out of their way to prepare them a Sunday dinner for them. I remember that being a standard dinner at my house--meat, potatoes or rice or pasta, two veggies (one green, one "yellow" (cauliflower was in the "yellow" category)) and a salad. Every meal.)

That (two paragraphs up) reminds me of the kids in Super Size Me who all knew who Ronald McDonald was, but couldn't identify Jesus. Actually, my kids probably don't know who Jesus is yet, either, since we don't go to church, but also don't know Ronnie. At least, I don't think that they do. Whatever happened to the Hamburgler?

Anyway, what I think that I'm trying to say on this one is that yes, kids totally need to know where food comes from (beyond a grocery store), but if the parents don't know, and aren't interested in finding out, and would rather buy a pre-made salad instead of making one, those kids are going to grow up thinking that all food comes from a shelf at the store, and all you have to do is open up the bag or the box and pop it in a microwave or oven to "cook" it. I guess at least that's a slightly higher skill set than going through a drive-through every day. I'll give them that.

I'm still all for teaching my kids from where real food originates, how it grows, and how to prepare it. K1 is really good at stirring; most of the batter stays in the bowl, now. K2 is pretty interested, too, and he's 18 months; he's constantly dragging a chair over so that he can see what's going on. Pretty soon I may even get K1 prepping meals, and not just baked goods. As long as it's fun, he's totally in to it. And he's learning some fractional math already, and he doesn't even know it!

Now if only he was as in to the cleanup part like his brother; you cannot keep that kid out of the dishwasher. Sometimes literally.

Speaking of cleanup, I should probably run.

Oh, and I dare you to leave a few tamarinds lying around your house when you have company coming!!

Tee hee.

Has it Really Been that Long??? Random Thoughts for June 4th 2014. BMBR: Smut

Really? May 8th was my last post? Seriously? WTF happened?

I knew I've been busy, but I didn't think I've been that busy.

(Looks down at her legs.)

Actually, that's a lot of hair... Maybe I have been that busy, because judging from the amount of hair that's on my legs, I have been super busy. To busy to shave, anyway. I have an amount of leg hair that's acceptable on tree planters, hippies from the Kootenays, and European Women. I was never a tree planter, I was too yuppy to be a hippy when I lived in the Kootenays (but I was too hippy for the yuppies, so guess how well I fit in there), and I was born in Canada to Canadian-born parents, so I can't really ride the European-Excuse wave.

And, it's been hot out lately, and I want to start wearing skirts to work, but let's face it, even Sasquatches would hand me a razor.

Okay, really, I don't care about hairy legs, and I think all women should feel comfortable enough with having hairy legs. Hair-free legs take less sunscreen, though.

I have been reading a lot. Of smut. Don't tell anyone. About the smut part.

Sure, you say. Too busy to shave your legs, but you can read smut. Uh huh. 

Okay, I have two kids who love to watch TreehouseTV, a husband who loves to watch hockey (It's fucking June. Playoffs should be over in March. I mean, it's hockey. If the ice has melted off of the ponds in the middle of Canada, hockey should be over. Or over by the end of March. I can give you til the end of March. But June? Come on), and two broken feet. Or something. I find out about the feet tomorrow.

So yay, I get to sit down on the couch for large portions of the day (or dose myself on great quantities of ibuprofen) so that I don't end up in excruciating pain, which means that the kids or the hubby hang with me, which means that they've picked the TV shows (otherwise it's Mommy do this and Mommy do that and all of that this-ing and that-ing equals Mommy being on her feet which doesn't really help the broken feet issue), which means that I surreptitiously hold my phone off to the side and read my Kindle.

And lately, I've been reading a lot of smut. My husband's not complaining.

BMBR: I've been reading Shana Galen and Mimi Jean Pamfiloff. Worth the ebook prices.

Read a Joanna Wylde novella called Be Careful What You Wish For, thank god, because it was okay, but I'm really glad I read that before committing myself to the expensive Reaper books that are waiting in Sample Land for me. I was excited for these books, but now, not so much. Maybe the writing got better by the time she wrote them. Sigh. Maybe I'll take one out of Sample Land. In the meantime, check out the cover of BCWYWF. You can judge this book by it's cover. I will allow it. I wish I had.

Did you know that Twizzlers come in rainbows? They make wonderful little caterpillar legs.

I made a caterpillar out of cupcakes for a birthday cake. So cute.

Huh. I've been sitting here for five minutes trying to think of another random thought, but I've actually been zoned out, so I guess my next random thought should be about bed. Or maybe checking out FB and seeing what the 18 messages/notifications are all about.

I bet at least ten of them are invitations to play FB games.

I'd rather shave my legs, thanks.